the grass is always greener

After mowing my lawn last night and stressing out over the ever-expanding amount of crabgrass and clover growing in my lawn, I was talking with my neighbor. She made the comment how her grass was looking terrible, especially next to our green, lush lawn. WHAT?!? Did she not see the crabgrass, clover and every other kind of broadleaf weed that has infested our lawn? Was she completely derlirious, or was she just offering a compliment to make me feel better? My thought immediately turned to the guy a few houses down the street who has THE BEST looking lawn around, and how I've always wished my lawn could look half as good as his. It made me realize and wonder - "what else do people not see about me? what else have I covered up so that my life and my world looks green from as close as next door"? I always wonder how we as Christians put on the best face - even when our worlds, our lawns, are dying and full of weeds (sin). Do we put on such a brave face that no one can tell that we struggle with the same sin and difficulties that our neighbors - be they Christians or non-Christians struggle with? And if they are not Christians, what message do our "green lawns" send the non-believers. Do our lives look so perfect and do we act so completely "put together" that non-believers don't see what being a Christian is really all about?
And then, what about our Christian neighbors? Do we put on such a "green lawn" face that we make other Christians who are struggling with sin feel like they aren't living as "good" of a life as they think we are? What message does that send to believers who struggle with sin or all of the other emotions that everyday life brings?
In regards to grass being greener on the other side - I'm off for a 10 day vacation from my job tomorrow. 10 days away from all the stress, frustration and annoyances that my job (along with probably everybody else's job) holds. I'm off to Camp Highlands, the place I mentioned in my first entry into this blog - the place that taught me "I'm Third". It will be a welcome retreat and a time to hopefully reflect on God's goodness as I am surrounded 24/7 with His beauty at it's best. The problem with the trip is, just like my trip to Seattle, I'll get back next week, and think "Wow! If I could just live that relaxed of a life every day! How wonderful my life would be"! I'm hoping that instead of my sin causing me to resent what I don't have, God will give me the time and the focus to see what I do have. That I will realize that the grass is greener on my side of the fence as well as the other side, and that I am willing to share the weeds in my lawn in a way that encourages others and shows them that my faith carries me through - not the fact that my neighbors can't see my "weeds"!

dancing in mud

When I became a believer in 1992, someone wise told me that there were really two parts to the Gospel message. The first part was that we were sinners, doomed from the start, with no way out. That part wasn't hard for me to grasp. Ask anyone who knows me well, and they will say that I would probably have no problem grasping the truth of my depravity. The second part, though, has always been much harder, much to my chagrin. One would think that knowing and believing that God's grace, forgiveness and mercy would be bigger than anything my sin could dish up would be not only great encouragement, but cause for me to drop the sad-sack act, and rejoice in the great things He has given me - and to give him thanks for lifting me out of the mud. But, of course, I would defy the common train of thought, and I find myself muddling through the mud, even when I know that God has given me so much. I look around and see all He has given me, yet somehow my eyes are closed to those things, and instead, focused on the frustration, anger and the annoyances in my life.
Yep - I'm overweight and growing older, but I have so much to show for it. I have a family, friends who truly love me and God's grace and mercy washing over me each and every day - whether I remember it or not. Wouldn't you think that would be enough?

"conventional" wisdom

I'll be leaving Seattle this afternoon and travelling back home. The convention I've been attending is for my work with our county's drug court program. It'a a program where instead of sending some alcohol and drug offenders to prison, we place them in an intensely supervised treatment program, where they appear in court on a regular basis. It's a part of my job that I really enjoy, because I see it as a good example of a Biblically based combination of justice and mercy. It's been an interesting conference, but I've found myself not "here" for most of the week. My mind has been a mix of longing for home and enjoying the interesting combination of urban life and natural beauty of downtown Seattle. I've found myself thinking that a place like this would be a fun place to live, a place to enjoy the concept of walking down the street with my iPod on and a cup of Starbuck's in my hand. It has been fun, and it's definitely a place that I hope to return to someday to visit further.
But in the midst of this enjoyment of this place, there has been a longing to be home. A longing to be back with my family. I've said it in the previous entries - that getting out of your routine does give you a new perspective on things. It's re-energized me a little bit and it's certainly caused me to enjoy the glory of God's creation that exists in the Pacific Northwest. Now, as I take that new energy and new appreciation back home (on a long and late nite flight), it's my prayer that those things will travel back with me. That God will have used this time away to draw me closer to Him back home as well.
It will be tough..... going back to work after time away is hard. Perhaps, that even more, will cause me to rely on Him and realize that nothing can be done on my own strength.

it'sbuzz.com

There really aren't two more appropriate words to describe Seattle - "buzz" (i.e. caffeine, i.e. Starbuck's) and "dot com" (what most of the city is built on). Seattle is quite an impressive place. Of course, most people think of rain, but both times I've been here (including this time), it's been gorgeous weather.
I've had two experiences since I left for this conference that have really drawn me closer to God. I'm just going to discuss my morning walk in Seattle for now - the other one - having to do with the love I have for my family - will come later.

I took a walk this morning down by Puget Sound, and I was struck by the fact that God's creation is once again so beautiful, even in it's depraved state. I was also struck how a new place and a change of scenery could really energize me. I've been struggling for weeks to start exercising again, but for whatever reason, I've been completely unmotivated. Then today, all of a sudden, in a new surrounding, I feel the desire to get out and see God's creation, and see something new - and the energy just came. Why is that? Is there something wrong with being in the same routine day after day - I don't think so. But I do think that from time to time, when God pulls us out of that routine, he drives us closer to Him. I've been struggling with motivation in a lot of things lately - perhaps a little shake in the routine is what I need. Perhaps it's just the caffeine talking, but God uses everything, even business trips we dread - to draw us closer to Him.

outta here.....

It's always a tricky thing when I leave town for business. Luckily, I have a job that doesn't take me away from home very much - something both Julie and I are thankful for. But, on those occaisions when travel is called for, I always struggle with the fact that I enjoy going to most of the conferences I attend for the reason that most everyone there is inspired and motivated to do the work they're called to do. That fact is somewhat not the case in my office, so it's great to get out and feel that what I do is worthwhile, that it truly is a calling.
On the other hand, I face the downside of leaving my family. I'm probably way too in touch with my "emotional" side, but I love being around my family. As I've discussed before, part of that is just the validation that I get from spending time with my wife and girls - they too make are a "calling".
Here's where the conflict comes - doing something that takes me away from one calling to remind me of my other calling. I just wish all of my "callings" could work together and work in a way that I wouldn't feel that one of them has to be set aside.
I guess this is truly the result of sin - when God told Adam he would have to "work the land". My "land" is my job, and that job takes me away from my family. Without sin, I guess there wouldn't be that tension and pulling between the hats that I wear.
After waxing philosophical about a simple business trip, the blessing that I have is that soon after my return from my trip, I will get to focus on the calling of my family with a great vacation! Even in the sight of struggle, the rewards that we have are many - Praise God!

crash!

It was terrifying.... the call came as I was driving with my two girls.... we never saw it coming.... my wife called, and the computer STOPPED! The panic was clear in her voice when she relayed the words over the phone. She told how she tried to do a simple disk clean-up, and upon rebooting the computer, it wouldn't start! NO! Say it isn't so. Tell me anything except that. The fear rumbled through the very core of my soul!
Although some of the emotions may be a little exaggerated for effect, they're not really too far off. We found ourselves living in the mid-20th century. No way to contact our friends, do our banking or determine whether the low pressure zone that was predicted for St. Louis would really bring the heavy showers that weather.com had fortold would douse our Father's Day plans. It's amazing when you think about it - how absolutely dependent we have become on things such as the internet for our day-to-day survival.
The rest of our weekend was kind of intriguing. Both my wife and I found ourselves calling friends that we usually e-mailed and we found ourselves without the excuse we always had to just sneak in and do a quick "surf".
Somehow, our lives became slightly easier this weekend. Slowly (and we're still getting there), we began to live without immediate access to everyone and everything. It's starting to become a little freeing actually. I came into work today, fully expecting to accomplish nothing since I figured I would need that "internet fix" that I hadn't had all weekend. Although I did spend a little time surfing, I realized that I was OK. I wasn't going to fall off the edge of the planet if I didn't know the up-to-the-minute status of multi-lateral negotiations with North Korea, China and Japan. Somehow, my day would go on, and somehow, I might even find time for the more important things - my wife, my children, myself and (gasp) a relationship with Christ.
Will it continue once my wife has the new hard drive installed? Who knows, but it's definitely worth posting about - then maybe, I'll think about it more often and be driven to the alter of something other than Microsoft!

pot.... meet kettle....

I was watching a TV show earlier this week where the "reporter/investigator" was setting up and catching people with some nasty addictions. They'd set them up with a fake "chat" on the computer, and then get them to come to a house where the reporter would confront them with their problems, ask them why they did it, and then let the "perps" get arrested. Now, don't get me wrong... what these guys were doing was nasty, wrong, sick and every other word you can think of. And, I was glad that they were getting these guys off the street. But, at the same time, something about the whole set-up seemed bad. I figured out that what was bothering me was the attitude of everyone involved in the set-up. The reporters and crew people all acted so self-righteous in their disgust at these guys. It made me begin to wonder what sin, what secrets and what addictions these guys were hiding under their "squeaky clean, helping society" exteriors.
As I thought about it and got more and more annoyed, I realized that I probably do the same thing. I look at others around me, espcially those who don't believe in Christ, and think how ridiculous they are for not understanding the enormity of God's grace. I think how terrible they are with their "worldly" attitudes and their "worldly" objectives. I realize that under my "sqeaky clean" exterior is sin and secrets - just the same as the sin and secrets those around me have.
YUCK, and I thought blogging would be FUN!

growing every day

By the time this gets posted, the people that read this will know that my wife, Julie and I are expecting our third child. There is nothing in the world, not even marriage, that sanctifies a person like being a parent. I know that marriage is the beginning of sanctification, but it's nothing compared to the humility and dependence on God you hopefully build as a parent.
It's a real challenge, because as far as my daughters are concerned, I hung the moon in the sky. I have the great experience of coming home every day, and having my 4-year old and my 1-year old come running to me as a come into the door (insert Ward Cleaver's picture here). But the real sanctification comes when you fail your children. I hate being a sinner and having to repent to a couple of toddlers who think you're the greatest thing since sliced bread. It's even harder when you add the fact that a 4-year old and a 1-year old could care less if YOU DO REPENT. In their world, if it hasn't happened in the last two minutes, it hasn't happened. But, I as their father, know better. I believe that it's imperative that as a parent, I teach my children not only the importance of obeying God, but the consequences of not obeying God. Those consequences include seeking forgiveness from the person you've wronged, and seeking the forgiveness of God.
So... you ask, why would I make my day even harder by having more children when I'm enough of a sinner to struggle with repenting to two children. It's really easy - it's because I love them, and I've learned that my love for my two children will not decrease with a third. Instead, my heart will somehow grow bigger and more love will grow in my heart with a third child.

shouting out His name

Yesterday afternoon, my 4-year old Katherine and I went on a walk. It's on a pedestrian walkway on a bridge over the Missouri river. As we were walking, as I often do on outings, I asked her who made things such as the river, the trees, the sky and so on. Now, being the reformed 4 year-old that she is, she, of course knew that God made these things. I didn't just ask her these things though, I, for entertainment purposes, started yelling them, and then she would yell back "GOD"!!!! It was quite a sight! A man and his daughter on a public bridge yelling out such things. I decided to stretch our game a little, and I started asking her questions from the Children's Catechism. Again, quite the sight as I would yell "WHO MADE YOU!!?", and she would respond, "GOD"! It continued "WHY DID HE MAKE YOU?!" "FOR HIS OWN GLORY!", she would yell back with a big laugh and with her hair blowing in the wind.
I didn't think much about it at the time, but here we were, yelling out God's truth for any and all who happened to be venturing out for a leisurely walk that afternoon. As we did this, I felt a real sense of joy and understanding of the "hugeness" of God. I did a quick scan of the Bible, and find that shouting is quite an acceptable and common form of praise. What a wonderful thing to be able to stand in the middle of God's creation, shouting at the top of our lungs, acknowledging His glory and goodnes.
As I further reflected on it last nite and this morning, I wondered when the last time that I had "yelled" out God's truths to anyone - either by my words or my actions. Children are so willing to say the truth, and say it boldly, but somewhere along the way, we become afraid of saying things we know are the truth.

iPods and a "Windfall"

I'm not quite sure what the two things in my title have in common, but they're on my mind this morning. I watched the NBC tv show "Windfall" last nite. It was an interesting commentary on the human condition. I think it could prove to be interesting point of conversation when discussing true human depravity. Besides the fact that Luke Perry should never be allowed to portray a father of two children (that makes me feel old), the whole show has a great premise, and it will be interesting to see where the storylines go.
Perhaps the connection between the show and iPods are the fact that "Windfall" had some awesome music. There are several posts on the bulliten board regarding the music included in the program. I've always been very much into music, and my iPod has really drawn me back into that. The interesting thing is that I've discovered a variety of music that draws me in because of it's depth. I love the fluff, don't get me wrong, but lately, I've found groups like Live, Nine Days, Switchfoot, The Calling and Lifehouse. They all have depth in their music - not all Biblically based, but thought provoking none the less. Perhaps the connection is listening to the music and putting the "theology" of secular music into a Biblical world view. There's one song on Live's new CD, Songs from the Black Mountain that discusses Jesus Christ and Buddha in sequential lines. Intersting, huh? At least I think it is.
iPods are a great concept, and I've often wondered how they fit into the post-modern world. I've found the constant desire to update and change what's on my iPod is the greatest aspect of it, and somehow that constant change certainly could apply to a post-moderen philosophy.

greetings

I've been tossing around the concept of beginning a blog for weeks now. Some of my new friends do it, but I've always struggled with the concept of grasping that people I don't know are actually interested in reading ANYTHING I have to say. It all seems on the verge of self-centered and conceited. But, hey, why not me!! To explain the title of my blog seems to be a good way to start.This is where the phrase I'm Third comes from - my years at Camp Highlands for Boys. I went to camp there for several years as a kid in the late 70's and early 80's, and then worked there as a staff in the mid-80's. It is the most gorgeous place on Earth and probably my first true guarantee that God existed. There is no way that anyone but God could create a place more beautiful and perfect on Earth. God reminds us in Romans that in Romans that the "creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God." If the creation is in bondage in Northern Wisconsin at Camp Highlands, God's perfect love must be amazing, because that creation is pretty amazing as it is. Anyways, I'm Third comes from the story at Camp Highlands that God is first, others are second, and I'm Third. It's a nice way to learn about a moral life as a kid, but a great way to begin to grasp the truths of Christ when you become older - it's therefore been a great impact on my life.
Beyond that - brief background - I am an assistant prosecuting attorney with Saint Charles County, Missouri - Just outside of St. Louis. I've been a lawyer for 10 years, prosecuting for 6 (the previous 4 were spent on the "dark side"). I have a loving wife, Julie and two wonderful daughters, Katherine and Elizabeth. I hope to share some of the struggles and joys of my home life and my professional life - intertwining those with my faith. If you get bored, go someplace else... :) Just kidding.