The "New Normal"

Two weeks ago, on April 3, my Mom passed away. She had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in November, 2006, and we were truly blessed with 16 months that we didn't expect to have. Although we experienced a lot of joy in that intervening time, losing her was still a shock, in some ways. Her health declined quickly - she went from her last doctor's appointment to death in 9 days. We knew that things were getting worse, but it was a total shock how quickly she passed in the end.
So, since that day, I've been living life in what I refer to as a "new normal". Losing a parent is a surreal experience, even when they live a few minutes away. You find that you've become programmed and have adapted to certain things - little things like calls on the way home from work or discussions about our children that come to a quick halt.
We are thankful that my folks lived close to us for 5 1/2 years before she died. In those 5 1/2 years, my relationship with my parents took on a different dimmension - that of a relationship between a parent and adult child. I learned that the time in my life had come that it was just as much my job to care for them as it had been their job to care for me earlier in life. I am still figuring that out with my Dad, as he is alone, but the time I had with my folks nearby helped a lot.
The experience of losing a parent is a difficult one to quantify in words, and the experience of grieving is different for everyone. For me, the initial time, while we were taking care of details, went quickly and I found myself focused on the tasks at hand. It was only after things started to quiet down that I found myself facing this reality of someone I love being gone.
Now, that the initial "busy-ness" of planning a funeral has subsided, and since I've returned to work after a two week vacation, I've begun to settle into a "new normal" - a normal without her. In some ways, that normal is a little easier for my Dad and I. It was a challenge to take care of her and to reassure her that once she was gone, that I would take care of my Dad in a way that left her confident that all would be OK.
But in many other ways, the "new normal" is difficult. It's difficult to think of our family - our extended family - without her. It's still not quite a concrete thought to realize that there will be one less person at all of our family get-togethers - both immediate and extended. Finally, it's strange to think about the fact that someone who was so much of who I have become will not be a part of my family's day to day existence, and that because of that absence, the relationship between my Dad and I will have to change. Mom was the organizer, the scheduler and the planner. She was the one that was the point person for the rest of the family to make plans with us. We planned a lot of things through her, and she did a wonderful job managing all the details. Now, it will be up to us to decide whether we should tackle the details in the same manner, or whether we simply make up new rules. All difficult decisions and things to fathom from day to day.