falling leaves

I talked a couple weeks ago about turning over a new leaf, but somehow that leaf I have turned over has fallen off of the tree - as so many others have already this fall. I have really not been faithful in blogging lately. Partially because I don't really feel interested in writing a blog that is basically nothing but thinking out loud for myself, and pretty much no one else, but I also haven't been too focused on writing in my blog because right now, my life and it's little issues have taken on some real insignificance.
In the past few weeks, my work as a deacon has taken on a life of it's own, and it is mostly because of some difficult things that some people around me have been going through. There are several people in our church who have been enduring some real trials in their lives - cancer scares, difficult pregnancies and little babies who may not make it through the days ahead. These are just some of the issues that some people in our church have become involved in. As a deacon, somehow a chunk of the caring and keeping up with the status of these things has fallen on my shoulders, and it's been quite consuming, both time-wise and emotionally. It has really been a challenge for me to learn how to minister to these people and to keep others in our congregation advised of how they're doing. And, it's been a blessing. I have felt true joy in just being there and being a person TRYING to point those others to Christ.
The problem (or the blessing) with all of this, is that it has left little, if any time for the struggles that I'm dealing with. It has also left me with very little energy to deal with those things as well. Now, don't get me wrong, I do see that moving outside of myself is truly what ministering to others is all about, but at the same time, I feel that I've really been unable to minister to myself. I just feel like that there are times that I really need to process the little things as well, but I feel so stupid wanting, or needing, to put energy into my issues. What are those issues, you ask? Well, things like our Christmas tree not drinking water, bedtime issues of various natures with our girls and dealing with the realities of having a government job - whether it's the promotions, salary or general frustrations. I know that God promises to help us to deal with those things, but I'm kind of at a time when I'm wondering if He has the time or energy to deal with my little problems, when He is also dealing with and controlling all of the big issues in the world - even those issues that are bigger than the big issues my friends are facing.
Christmas is definitely getting off to a weird start, and facing these struggles in other people's lives and my own life although I do find myself praying for guidance, whether these things are still driving me towards that Christmas manger is something that remains to be seen.