Editing note - this entry was started on Aug. 29, but added to on Sept. 3 and 4. I had a preliminary hearing on a case today that involved a young man being killed because the driver of the vehicle was drunk and crashed into another car. I won the hearing, but I have to admit, the victory was not sweet. I walked out of the courtroom, knowing that if this case went to trial, I would be used as a floor mop for the courthouse steps in the process. What was worse, I knew that the defense attorney knew the same thing.
There are so many different aspects of this situation that leave me cold. Of course, the first is the dissappointment that I suffered in seeing my case - this disaster in motion - unfold before me. I felt somewhat confident in the ability of my witnesses, but they basically self-destructed on cross-examination. I felt that somehow I hadn't done all I could, but at the same time, I knew that I had attempted to prepare them.
I also felt terrible because of the fact that the defense attorney, in his glib manner, knew how successful he had been in destroying my case. You see, the defense attorney I dealt with today is a nice guy, but he is the perfect example of what people think of when they think of a "slimy" defense attorney. He's not totally evil, but he's so good, and he knows he's so good, that seeing my case crumble was so humiliating. Before the hearing, I was talking with him, and I'm sure he even knew then what his tactic was to destroy my witnesses, but he chatted with me like he was just wanting to get in and out of the court room as quickly as possible. But, when the hearing itself started, he took his sweet time pulling the rug of credibility out from under each witnesses feet.
I know that I take these cases very personally, and I know that caring, as I do, sets me up for disappointment and heartache when things don't go the way I think they should. It's hard to face that day in and day out in my office when I don't feel that it's the norm for people with whom I work. It hurts and my pride and my enthusiasm often take very direct hits.
9/4/06 - That's where I was with this situation a few days ago, and in some ways, I'm at the same point now. The pain is a little easier to take, but the deep feelings about my cases and wanting to have success here and there still exist.
It's amazing, though, how God works through these situations and how God brings the right messages to your heart at the tright time. That was very clear to me this past Sunday as Sean Lucas and John Roberts preached at Covenant Church about trials and about God working through those trials. It was also very convicting to me that when these trials come, I need to look outside myself. It is not all about me (maybe some day I'll really understand that). Trials come to grow us, but they ultimately come so that we realize who were are being grown by - God, and so that we can glorify him and understand that He is drawing us closer to Him and making us more like Him.
Since my initial entry on this, I've gone through the frustration period, but the frustration has lessened and I have "moved on" and realized that there is a calling here, still. I believe with most of my heart, that God is calling me to the work I have, but it's often difficult to see that through my frustration and annoyance with others' response to my work.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Thursday, August 17, 2006
small as a mustard seed
My post today is an interesting combination, a combination of some personal experiences and a thought provoking article I found on the web.
As to my experiences, today I awoke with just a burst of energy. I'm not quite sure where it's come from, but in the past few weeks, I have begun to exercise in earnest again and, interestingly enough, I have found time on the days I walk/run outside to spend time in prayer. I think I mentioned that fact before - that there was a connection between the two when I quit doing both, and I'm encouraged to see a tiny connection between the two as I begin to do both again. It caused me to ponder the minimal time I spend in prayer and in the Word, but it also cause me to be somewhat encouraged that just because it's not a priority right now, that doesn't automatically mean that it won't always be a priority.
In somewhat of a connected thought, I stumbled across an article and related video report from the New York Times today about a school in NY that shcools Muslim boys in nothing but memorization of the Koran for 7-9 hours a day. Although many of the posts in response to the article were about whether it would cause these boys to become terrorists, I thought it was interesting to wonder whether the New York Times would cover the piece in the same "human interest" fashion if there was a Christian school that encourage boys only to spend 7-9 hours studying the Bible, and eliminating all teaching of any basic subjects. It is an interesting way to see the media almost makes this sound like positive thing in this case - how the family and the school is focusing their efforts on rearing solid Muslim citizens (this is probably where those who believe that the concern could be that they're raising solid Muslim "terrorist" instead). In addition, in the video, several comments by the mother of a boy who attends the school focus on the fact that she is committed to passing on her faith and encouraging that her children grow stronger in their faith than the generation before. What a concept, and what a challenge!!
Do we, as Christian parents, do the same? Do we pray that our children would grow in their faith more than their sinful parents? Do we encourage them from the very beginning, even before they can understand what they're learning, to grasp the essential beliefs in their head, so that as they grow and as their knowledge grows, that their faith will be come all the more real to them, each and every day? It presents a real challenge to Christian parents.
Finally, a comment made by the 10 year old boy in the video, states that he already believes that the Koran is not just a book for Muslims, but a book for all mankind, really struck a chord with me. Do we believe as Christians and do we act as though we believe that the Bible is a book not just for Christians, but a book for all mankind - a Truth for all mankind? If we don't stare these questions in the face and force ourselves to answer them, I fear that the little 10 year old boy who is learning the Koran will be come a strong leader one day, and perhaps another little 10 year old boy or girl who is being raised in a Christian home won't have the answers to show that little Muslim boy that the Christian faith and the Bible, not the Koran, are the answers to the questions he seeks.
As to my experiences, today I awoke with just a burst of energy. I'm not quite sure where it's come from, but in the past few weeks, I have begun to exercise in earnest again and, interestingly enough, I have found time on the days I walk/run outside to spend time in prayer. I think I mentioned that fact before - that there was a connection between the two when I quit doing both, and I'm encouraged to see a tiny connection between the two as I begin to do both again. It caused me to ponder the minimal time I spend in prayer and in the Word, but it also cause me to be somewhat encouraged that just because it's not a priority right now, that doesn't automatically mean that it won't always be a priority.
In somewhat of a connected thought, I stumbled across an article and related video report from the New York Times today about a school in NY that shcools Muslim boys in nothing but memorization of the Koran for 7-9 hours a day. Although many of the posts in response to the article were about whether it would cause these boys to become terrorists, I thought it was interesting to wonder whether the New York Times would cover the piece in the same "human interest" fashion if there was a Christian school that encourage boys only to spend 7-9 hours studying the Bible, and eliminating all teaching of any basic subjects. It is an interesting way to see the media almost makes this sound like positive thing in this case - how the family and the school is focusing their efforts on rearing solid Muslim citizens (this is probably where those who believe that the concern could be that they're raising solid Muslim "terrorist" instead). In addition, in the video, several comments by the mother of a boy who attends the school focus on the fact that she is committed to passing on her faith and encouraging that her children grow stronger in their faith than the generation before. What a concept, and what a challenge!!
Do we, as Christian parents, do the same? Do we pray that our children would grow in their faith more than their sinful parents? Do we encourage them from the very beginning, even before they can understand what they're learning, to grasp the essential beliefs in their head, so that as they grow and as their knowledge grows, that their faith will be come all the more real to them, each and every day? It presents a real challenge to Christian parents.
Finally, a comment made by the 10 year old boy in the video, states that he already believes that the Koran is not just a book for Muslims, but a book for all mankind, really struck a chord with me. Do we believe as Christians and do we act as though we believe that the Bible is a book not just for Christians, but a book for all mankind - a Truth for all mankind? If we don't stare these questions in the face and force ourselves to answer them, I fear that the little 10 year old boy who is learning the Koran will be come a strong leader one day, and perhaps another little 10 year old boy or girl who is being raised in a Christian home won't have the answers to show that little Muslim boy that the Christian faith and the Bible, not the Koran, are the answers to the questions he seeks.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
can't have it both ways....
OK, so all of a sudden, I'm "Mr. Politico" on the blog. Sure, up to last week, I've discussed nothing but me, but hey - it's my blog - deal with it!
Anyways, I find it interesting that as the Iranians and Syrians claim a huge victory, we read the fact that there is very little information on the devestation in Israel, but the people of Lebanon have been trampled. Where is the victory? How can you have victory without devestating your enemy?
In the midst of all of this celebration by Iran, apparently they've established their own foreign press, which is now headed by Mike Wallace, formerly of the American CBS company. Although I didn't personally see the interview, most accounts are quite scathing, which means it must have been really, really bad. All articles I've read basically claim that Wallace gave Ahmadinejad a free pass to espouse his anti-semetic views, and even chimed in, referred to Israel as a "Zionist state". To me, that sounds strangely like comments made a couple weeks ago by a drunk guy who's been disowned by half of Hollywood!
Anyways, food for thought to consider where our media is actually at.
Anyways, I find it interesting that as the Iranians and Syrians claim a huge victory, we read the fact that there is very little information on the devestation in Israel, but the people of Lebanon have been trampled. Where is the victory? How can you have victory without devestating your enemy?
In the midst of all of this celebration by Iran, apparently they've established their own foreign press, which is now headed by Mike Wallace, formerly of the American CBS company. Although I didn't personally see the interview, most accounts are quite scathing, which means it must have been really, really bad. All articles I've read basically claim that Wallace gave Ahmadinejad a free pass to espouse his anti-semetic views, and even chimed in, referred to Israel as a "Zionist state". To me, that sounds strangely like comments made a couple weeks ago by a drunk guy who's been disowned by half of Hollywood!
Anyways, food for thought to consider where our media is actually at.
Friday, August 11, 2006
politics as usual.....
Once again, the electoral process in this country continues to surprise and amaze me. Six years ago, when my home state of Missouri elected Mel Carnahan, a dead man, to the senate, I truly thought that we had seen the weirdest thing possible. Of course, that was the same year that Hillary Clinton, a first lady, was elected to represent a state that she'd never lived in in the U.S. Senate, and the same year when, as the ACLU claims, Al Gore was elected President. THEN.... four years later, Ohio was the focus of everyone's interest, and although there weren't too many hanging chads, a Frenchman, John Kerry, almost became president.
Now, only two years later, things get even more intriguing. Joe Liberman, the Democratic who, again according to the ACLU, was the new vice president, was dissed by his own party and lost in his primary election for the Senate. It is amazing to watch the Democratic party jump ship quickly, treating Liberman like a right-wing conservative instead of one of the few Democrats with a mildly balanced head. Instead, it appears that the candidate who is supported by moveon.org, Cindy Sheehan and everyone else who's slighly left of Castro, is the candidate that represents the interests of the New Democratic Party. Oh, if I could move to Connecticut so that I could join the Republicans for Lieberman campagin!!!
Anyways, in spite of all of the weirdness that's going on, it's good to see that some bloggers don't take all politics too seriously. Since we already have elected politicians, who are barely real people, why not consider electing people who aren't real in the first place. This would be the perfect combination of relaity and fiction!!!!
Now, only two years later, things get even more intriguing. Joe Liberman, the Democratic who, again according to the ACLU, was the new vice president, was dissed by his own party and lost in his primary election for the Senate. It is amazing to watch the Democratic party jump ship quickly, treating Liberman like a right-wing conservative instead of one of the few Democrats with a mildly balanced head. Instead, it appears that the candidate who is supported by moveon.org, Cindy Sheehan and everyone else who's slighly left of Castro, is the candidate that represents the interests of the New Democratic Party. Oh, if I could move to Connecticut so that I could join the Republicans for Lieberman campagin!!!
Anyways, in spite of all of the weirdness that's going on, it's good to see that some bloggers don't take all politics too seriously. Since we already have elected politicians, who are barely real people, why not consider electing people who aren't real in the first place. This would be the perfect combination of relaity and fiction!!!!
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
intertwined
I will confess, that in many ways, I am a very selfish and somewhat self-centered person. And, when things happen to other people around me, but the first think I look at is how those things affect me - even before I look at how those things affect others around me. To me, that is the epitome of selfishness, but it's who I am - a selfish sinner.
Here's the story.... a guy in my office ran for judge in yesterday's election, and he won. He's a Christian man who, I believe, has always had nothing but God's wisdom and calling at the forefront of his mind. God has blessed him - after a prior attempt which resulted in a loss, he won handily in the election, and hopefully, will take the bench soon. So how does that impact me? It impacts me this way - he's a higher level employee, and the fact that he's leaving will create an opening, which could result in a promotion for me. Sounds good so far? Well, that's only the good part. You see, the bad part is, to even arrive at the point where the promotion is possible, I have to confront my boos. I have to do that, because I've been passed over for a couple promotions, and I really believe that I need to know why (OK, even typing that is hard. It's so humbling, and hard to admit to on paper). My boss is one of the worst people in the world when it comes to human interaction, and talking with him is right up there with a root canal, without novacaine!
So, when the guy from my office wins the election, my first thought is - YUCK! Now I have to ponder and consider doing something that is unpleasant. Even though I supported the guy's campagin, my life would be easier if he'd lost - hence we arrive at the point of my self-centered attitudes.
It stinks being sinful. And it stinks even more when my sin gets in the way of the joy and happiness that I should have for others. It reminds me how my life is intertwined with so many other lives, and how God teaches me and convicts me through what happens, not only to me, but so many people around me.
Here's the story.... a guy in my office ran for judge in yesterday's election, and he won. He's a Christian man who, I believe, has always had nothing but God's wisdom and calling at the forefront of his mind. God has blessed him - after a prior attempt which resulted in a loss, he won handily in the election, and hopefully, will take the bench soon. So how does that impact me? It impacts me this way - he's a higher level employee, and the fact that he's leaving will create an opening, which could result in a promotion for me. Sounds good so far? Well, that's only the good part. You see, the bad part is, to even arrive at the point where the promotion is possible, I have to confront my boos. I have to do that, because I've been passed over for a couple promotions, and I really believe that I need to know why (OK, even typing that is hard. It's so humbling, and hard to admit to on paper). My boss is one of the worst people in the world when it comes to human interaction, and talking with him is right up there with a root canal, without novacaine!
So, when the guy from my office wins the election, my first thought is - YUCK! Now I have to ponder and consider doing something that is unpleasant. Even though I supported the guy's campagin, my life would be easier if he'd lost - hence we arrive at the point of my self-centered attitudes.
It stinks being sinful. And it stinks even more when my sin gets in the way of the joy and happiness that I should have for others. It reminds me how my life is intertwined with so many other lives, and how God teaches me and convicts me through what happens, not only to me, but so many people around me.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
where's the passion
I'm probably going to be mocked until the end of time for the source and motivation of this entry, but I guess that I need to be secure enough in what I believe to realize that the source of the entry is not the issue here - it's the issue behind that source.
Last week on "The View", there was a very heated discussion over the morning-after pill. Now, let me clarify.... I DO NOT WATCH "THE VIEW". I stumbled onto this clip from the newest "hip" place on the web - Youtube.com. It's quite a site, but perhaps I'll delve into that at a later time.
As I watched the clip and watched the discussion ensue, one comment that was made struck me even more than what the whole conversation was about. The comment was made that it is important that when controversial topics arise, that our society be willing to sit down and hear out both sides of the arguement. Barbara Walters said that we shouldn't get worked up or passionate about our beliefs. That, more than anything else said, struck me as a terrible condemnation on where our society is headed. To think that we should begin to work towards calm, cool and collected dialogue on issues, but eliminate the passion with which we hold the beliefs were trying to share scares me to death.
I believe that without passion, we begin to lose an aspect of our humanity. One of the great gifts that we have been given by God is the ability to hold beliefs and share beliefs with conviction. God tells us that our faith in Christ must permeate every aspect of our life, that it must be the reason for everything we do. He tells us to be ready with the answer of why we do what we do. How can such beliefs, such answers, such a faith be void of passion?
Another thing that was conveyed was the concept that we should be almost universalist in our responses to others. We should be able to dialogue and accept the points of view that everyone else has. This, too, is a scary concept, and a concept that requires an incredible balance of mind. We somehow have to love those around us, despite their beliefs and lifestyles, yet we are also called to be "salt and light", showing others around us, believers and unbelievers, the truth of the Gospel, and the fact that our belief in the Gospel passionately explains all of our other beliefs as well.
Removing passion removes humanity, and I pray that I'm never without passion in all I believe.
DATELINE 8/11/06 - I apologize for the link at the top of my blog. For some reason, the video was removed from Youtube.com at some point after I posted the original post.
Last week on "The View", there was a very heated discussion over the morning-after pill. Now, let me clarify.... I DO NOT WATCH "THE VIEW". I stumbled onto this clip from the newest "hip" place on the web - Youtube.com. It's quite a site, but perhaps I'll delve into that at a later time.
As I watched the clip and watched the discussion ensue, one comment that was made struck me even more than what the whole conversation was about. The comment was made that it is important that when controversial topics arise, that our society be willing to sit down and hear out both sides of the arguement. Barbara Walters said that we shouldn't get worked up or passionate about our beliefs. That, more than anything else said, struck me as a terrible condemnation on where our society is headed. To think that we should begin to work towards calm, cool and collected dialogue on issues, but eliminate the passion with which we hold the beliefs were trying to share scares me to death.
I believe that without passion, we begin to lose an aspect of our humanity. One of the great gifts that we have been given by God is the ability to hold beliefs and share beliefs with conviction. God tells us that our faith in Christ must permeate every aspect of our life, that it must be the reason for everything we do. He tells us to be ready with the answer of why we do what we do. How can such beliefs, such answers, such a faith be void of passion?
Another thing that was conveyed was the concept that we should be almost universalist in our responses to others. We should be able to dialogue and accept the points of view that everyone else has. This, too, is a scary concept, and a concept that requires an incredible balance of mind. We somehow have to love those around us, despite their beliefs and lifestyles, yet we are also called to be "salt and light", showing others around us, believers and unbelievers, the truth of the Gospel, and the fact that our belief in the Gospel passionately explains all of our other beliefs as well.
Removing passion removes humanity, and I pray that I'm never without passion in all I believe.
DATELINE 8/11/06 - I apologize for the link at the top of my blog. For some reason, the video was removed from Youtube.com at some point after I posted the original post.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
lethal weapon
Although I haven't read much more than the initial articles that appeared immediately after Mel Gibson's arrest, I have become amused and entertained by the "public outcry" in the wake of Mel Gibson's DWI arrest last weekend. As a person who spends hour upon hour reviewing police reports of people who make stupid, arrogant and vile remarks while they're intoxicated, I've found it incredibly humorous how the media has responded to the comments Gibson made when he was arrested. I certainly don't condone them and I certainly don't agree with the tone of the comments, but for Hollywood and the "drive-by" media to crucify Gibson because of things he said while he was intoxicated is ludicrous.
I, myself, spent time intoxicated in college. I used to go to O'Malley's, a bar a mere 1/4 mile from my apartment at the University of Illinois. Quarter beers was a regular special, and even with that cheap price, I couldn't calculate the hundreds of dollars that I spent there. I have no doubt that I uttered some stupid things in a drunken stupor on an occaision or two.
The difference between my drunken brawl, and the drunken stupor that Mel was in last weekend is not so much the fact that he uttered anti-Semetic comments, but the fact that after he got plowed, he jumped in a loaded missle and drove 90 mph. Somehow, the fact that he put innocent lives at stake has been completely overlooked by the fact that he made a couple of drunken comments that offend a sector of our society. Where is the anguish and dissappointment over the fact that any number of lives were in jeopordy because he drank and drove?
This column from LA Weekly does an excellent job clarifying those two contradictory issues.
the final thing is that above and beyond the comments, above and beyond the crime, there is a person here - a person who is a confessed addict. I don't believe this is the first time that we've seen addiction in Holloywood, and it's not the first time we've seen the addict do the brave thing of confessing a relapse. One only needs look back a little ways to see example of Robert Downey, Jr. to see another high-profile addict. In Downey's case, there certainly seemed to be an outpouring of support and encouragement, but because of the comments made while Gibson was under the influence, people have become vicdictive - vowing never to work with Gibson.
Where is the greater evil here? Are the drunken comments made a greater evil than the actions of Gibson? Or, is the greater evil the fact that we, as a people, are unable to look beyond both, and find another person, struggling with sin, and somehow, in our menial way, support and encourage him so that this all doesn't happen again?
I, myself, spent time intoxicated in college. I used to go to O'Malley's, a bar a mere 1/4 mile from my apartment at the University of Illinois. Quarter beers was a regular special, and even with that cheap price, I couldn't calculate the hundreds of dollars that I spent there. I have no doubt that I uttered some stupid things in a drunken stupor on an occaision or two.
The difference between my drunken brawl, and the drunken stupor that Mel was in last weekend is not so much the fact that he uttered anti-Semetic comments, but the fact that after he got plowed, he jumped in a loaded missle and drove 90 mph. Somehow, the fact that he put innocent lives at stake has been completely overlooked by the fact that he made a couple of drunken comments that offend a sector of our society. Where is the anguish and dissappointment over the fact that any number of lives were in jeopordy because he drank and drove?
This column from LA Weekly does an excellent job clarifying those two contradictory issues.
the final thing is that above and beyond the comments, above and beyond the crime, there is a person here - a person who is a confessed addict. I don't believe this is the first time that we've seen addiction in Holloywood, and it's not the first time we've seen the addict do the brave thing of confessing a relapse. One only needs look back a little ways to see example of Robert Downey, Jr. to see another high-profile addict. In Downey's case, there certainly seemed to be an outpouring of support and encouragement, but because of the comments made while Gibson was under the influence, people have become vicdictive - vowing never to work with Gibson.
Where is the greater evil here? Are the drunken comments made a greater evil than the actions of Gibson? Or, is the greater evil the fact that we, as a people, are unable to look beyond both, and find another person, struggling with sin, and somehow, in our menial way, support and encourage him so that this all doesn't happen again?
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