With the joy that I've experienced over the past few months comes apprehension of the future. I've been studying a great book this summer - "The Quest for More" by Paul Tripp. In the book, the author describes how our fears reveal the things that are important to us - how we should have a healthy and joyful fear for the Lord.
I have been convicted of that in my own life, as I have seen my "fear" of the future gaining strength. In two weeks, two of my kids will have started the new school year, and as much as I thought about the changes when Katherine went to school last fall, the new year holds more changes and some fear for me. Katherine will be heading to first grade and she'll be (as my wife points out) spending more time at school than she does at home. Elizabeth will be starting two mornings a week, and although I probably won't notice much difference, it will be strange knowing that they are both there two mornings a week.
Now don't misunderstand, my fears have no basis in where they will be. God has blessed us richly through their school. The fear that I have is that I am watching my children grow up, and although I often hear that the objective of parenting is to rear Godly children who can be independent, I am not ready to accept and/or stick with that goal. I have watched the love for my children grow in the past few months, and it is a sad proposition to know that their lives are taking a path that will lead them to more and more independence. I confess, the need for their dependence is an idol in my life - I'm not holding any punches, but all the same - it's hard to watch this unfold a little bit more every year.
I am thankful for the time that we have and I know that the fact that we will have less time together in the future will hopefully drive me to utilize our time together even better, but it's hard to let go. They are a blessing and I love them.
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