letting go and coming up for air

I love my job. I really do. I don't just say that for brownie points, but I say it because I mean it. I've already discussed one aspect of my job - the drug court program. The other main aspect of my work is prosecuting cases where people are injured or killed as a result of impaired or intoxicated drivers. I have developed a real passion for the cases. It may sound kind of weird, but cases that deal with impairment by alcohol or drugs are incredibly interesting and sometimes very difficult to successfully prosecute. First, in all honesty, driving while intoxicated cases often have no physical evidence (makes all you CSI lovers a little nervous, huh?). Second, the intricacies of prosecuting cases that many people don't always belive stems from criminal behavior (it's legal to drink, right?) is also challenging. There are constant developments in the area of establishing that someone is impaired to the level that their driving is affected.
OK, so you ask, where's the enjoyment or the thrill? Part of it comes from the fact is that in many of these cases, I am dealing with people who's lives have drastically changed because of the stupid actions of someone who chose to drink and drive. I enjoy the fact that I can help them through this period of difficulty in their lives. It's rewarding, and I hope, at times, it opens doors for me to minister to them.
It has also offered me opportunities to "minister" to the devoted law enforcement officers who also focus their work on these cases. We have developed a strong respect and wonderful ability to work together. They are not only people I work with - they are friends. I respect the work they do, and they appreciate the work I do.
So, you see, I care. And, everyone says how wonderful it is that I care. But, that same thing that I and others see as a blessing can also be the greatest curse. You see, I care too much. The problem is when I care, I take control. I find myself diving in so deep and taking on so much in these cases, that I don't know where or when to come up for air. I also take total control of the situation, and in my selfish arrogance, I take total control of these cases. Why? Because, in my sinful mind, I am convinced that NO ONE can do the job I do. It's a blessing and a curse. And so, this consumption causes me to become overwhelmed, and I find myself trying to figure out how to deal with everything I'm supposed to deal with at work and everything I want to deal with at work.
There's no doubt I'm a control freak, but when so many people compliment me for my control, it's hard to overcome the sin.
let go and let God..... hmmmmmm