weathering the storms

It's been just over a week here in St. Louis since we experienced a wacky week of weather. We had high temps over 100 for a couple days with heat indices of 110+. In the midst of it all, we had two storms within 36-48 hours that put more than 500,000 in the dark. The amazing thing was that as the story was covered in the media, there were two, very different ways the story was covered. The first was how people banded together and helped each other out while they experienced long periods of power outages (actually, a few thousand are still out 9 days later). The other angle that most of the media took to quickly was how the electric company had failed the public by not getting the power restored more quickly. It has gone to the extent that now, the Missouri Public Service Commission has initiated an investigation.
Now, granted, I am speaking from the perspective of someone who experienced no power loss. The only way the whole situation affected me was that the power at my office went out and we had to leave work at noon last Friday (Gee, there's experiencing natural disaster!). I just find it very annoying that we, as a society, always need to find someone else to blame. I understand that 9-10 days without electricity would be incredibly frustrating, but why do we need to find someone else to blame? Why can't people accept that from time to time, things are going to happen that are beyond anyone's control? Why can't people simply accept the situation as it happens, WITHOUT casting stones on other people? The victim mentality of our society is very frustrating.
Even if we were to find out that somehow, the power company was slow in their response, what is that going to do? That fact isn't going to bring back all the spoiled food and missed appointments. It's simply going to offer people the ability to complain harder the next time their power goes out.
In my view, this is similar, on a much smaller scale, to the response that so many people had after Katrina last year. While I certainly don't try to minimize the destruction, death and disaster that was suffered in the wake of that hurricane, but so much blame was put on the various government officials, that it seems the concept of personal responsibility and preparation is completely taken away. It seems, in today's world, that when something bad happens, it's nobody's own responsibility to make the best of the situation or to try and make do with where things are at. Instead, we just talk to the media and get them to help us foster the need we have to blame others.

a law with me in mind

I was reading through the web this morning, and stumbled upon this "interesting" article. Clearly, someone else like me decided we've had a hard enough time competing with our clothes on, and we don't need the added pressure!

lawn righteousness

While most of the rest of the world focuses their eyes, ears and concerns on the conflict in the Middle East, there is a conflict going on so much closer to home that has been much more of a concern to me. It is a conflict that, in my opinion, has been going on for about 5 years now - coincidentally enough, the same amount of time that we have lived in the house where we now live. Sometimes, in my pathetic opinion, it seems that the stakes in this other war are very great - even, perhaps greater than the stakes in the War on Terror. (For anyone who is offended, this is a joke) And, much to my dismay, I am on the front line of this confict. The conflict is the Great Lawn War.
Now, if you don't own a house, you've probably not been witness to this conflict. You see, the Great Lawn War is the war that I'm waging, and presently losing against my lawn. We had a really warm stretch of weather here last week, and my lawn has become a breeding ground for every species of crabgrass and clover that exists in the free world. It's quite frustrating, as I have made semi-consistent attempts to curb this stuff, and actually grow grass. But, to no avail, that is not what is in my front yard, my side yard OR my back yard.
OK, so why is this an issue? I hear everyone saying "JUST GET OVER IT ALREADY"! And, if it were that easy for me, I would. But, I find some sort of identity in my lawn. I want to be able to take credit for something beautiful that grows - showing that I've tended to it, that I've cared and nutured for it, and that in response to that nurturing, it's grown and is something that is beautiful for the world to see.
As we all do, I have somehow found some of my identity in the lawn that exists around my home. My righteousness is somehow intertwined with the green grass (or lack thereof) that lays on the banks of my front and back yard.
We all have these things.... things that we find our righteousness and worth in. Somehow, even though they are not particulary BAD things, they replace the things where our identity and righteousness should be. Will it ever change?

relationships

I wish I could take credit for the topics that I discuss in my blogs, but I certainly can't. Todays entry is a topic that has come to my mind through a discussion I had over breakfast this morning with two people I truly consider good friends. The conversation has left me with many thoughts, so I thought I'd share.
The conversation we had was about relationships, and as the conversation proceeded, I was reminded how "relational" of a person I am. I have always said that relationships with those around me are one of my most prized possessions. I have always enjoyed and treasured developing relationships with others. My relationships are probably one of the most satisfying "things" that I have - and although, in one sense, I could say they are free, they have probably cost me the most and become the most valuable possession I have.
When I say those things, one probably presumes that I mean relationships with friends, and that is truly one of the greatest types of relationships I have. I am a person that enjoys relationships that get deep and gritty. The deeper my friendships are, the more valuable they become. This may seem to be kind of an obvious statement, but there a ton of people who I don't believe think the same. I think that they are the type of people that are much more comfortable with surface relationships - the kind where no one gets dirty or truly honest. To me, although there is certainly a place for those, they don't hold nearly the value that my good, deep friendships hold.
With that in mind, it seems clearly obvious, though I guess I don't think of it as a "relationship" in the same sense of the word, comes the RELATIONSHIP (wow!) with my wife and my children. I often say that I love Julie more today than I did when we met and when we were married. It's so true. Although the romance was there on our wedding day, our love and understanding has grown and grown. We've seen the ugly side of things, and yet we still love each other. Our love grows becuase our understanding grows, and the understanding grows simply out of time and energy we've put into our marriage.
I see the same pattern developing with my children. Katherine, my four year old, is closer to me than Elizabeth, my 1 1/2 year old. But, I have truly seen how my relationship with Elizabeth has grown and deepened. As she gets older and is a part of my life for a longer and longer period of time, my love for her also has deepened. Both my growing love for Julie and for the girls is because we have spent more and more time together. The commitment to and with each of my children grows as time passes. It's funny as I think about the fact that we'll have a third child in February. Right now, the emotional attachement I have to that baby is minimal, and probably even by the time he or she is born, the emotional attachment will pale in comparison to that of the girls. But, as time goes on, and as we spend time with each other and become emotionally invested in each other, that relationship will grow.
The funny (well, maybe funny isn't the right word) part about all of this is that just as I don't see the "relationships" with my family in the same way as I see the "relationships" with friends, I really don't see my relationship with Christ in any way close. As was pointed out to me this morning, just as in my other relationships, for it all to mean something, time and energy must be invested. We don't just turn around, find a person on the street, and become emotionally invested with them. Why should we think it any different with Christ? Do we expect that we would desire to spend time with someone we don't know?
Where does this put me with my relationships with others, and with my relationship with Christ? It puts me in a position where I need to get to know Him. I can't just expect to pray to Christ and then, hopefully, somewhere down the line feel that I know Him.

habit forming

For most people, the concept of having a "habit" is a bad thing, something that people want to break. But right now, I'm really struggling with devloping some habits - good habits. It may sound weird, but trying to start a habit is a whole lot harder than trying to break them. I used to have a consistent habit of exercising four mornings a week, and at one point in my life, I had a consistent habit of praying and spending time in the Word. At this point in my life, I have neither. I've struggles for about a year with the exercise habit, and as I think about it, my prayer time also dropped off about the same time. I'm not sure what the connection is, but as I think about it, the time link does strike me as odd.
How do you develop a habit? I've read that habits can be formed in about two to three weeks, but up to that point, it's like pulling teeth.

letting go and coming up for air

I love my job. I really do. I don't just say that for brownie points, but I say it because I mean it. I've already discussed one aspect of my job - the drug court program. The other main aspect of my work is prosecuting cases where people are injured or killed as a result of impaired or intoxicated drivers. I have developed a real passion for the cases. It may sound kind of weird, but cases that deal with impairment by alcohol or drugs are incredibly interesting and sometimes very difficult to successfully prosecute. First, in all honesty, driving while intoxicated cases often have no physical evidence (makes all you CSI lovers a little nervous, huh?). Second, the intricacies of prosecuting cases that many people don't always belive stems from criminal behavior (it's legal to drink, right?) is also challenging. There are constant developments in the area of establishing that someone is impaired to the level that their driving is affected.
OK, so you ask, where's the enjoyment or the thrill? Part of it comes from the fact is that in many of these cases, I am dealing with people who's lives have drastically changed because of the stupid actions of someone who chose to drink and drive. I enjoy the fact that I can help them through this period of difficulty in their lives. It's rewarding, and I hope, at times, it opens doors for me to minister to them.
It has also offered me opportunities to "minister" to the devoted law enforcement officers who also focus their work on these cases. We have developed a strong respect and wonderful ability to work together. They are not only people I work with - they are friends. I respect the work they do, and they appreciate the work I do.
So, you see, I care. And, everyone says how wonderful it is that I care. But, that same thing that I and others see as a blessing can also be the greatest curse. You see, I care too much. The problem is when I care, I take control. I find myself diving in so deep and taking on so much in these cases, that I don't know where or when to come up for air. I also take total control of the situation, and in my selfish arrogance, I take total control of these cases. Why? Because, in my sinful mind, I am convinced that NO ONE can do the job I do. It's a blessing and a curse. And so, this consumption causes me to become overwhelmed, and I find myself trying to figure out how to deal with everything I'm supposed to deal with at work and everything I want to deal with at work.
There's no doubt I'm a control freak, but when so many people compliment me for my control, it's hard to overcome the sin.
let go and let God..... hmmmmmm

back to....

It's the last day of my 10 days away from work, and I would have never imagined that a vacation could have provided the basis for such an emotional rollercoaster return to work. Tomorrow, it's back to reality, and in all honesty, I go back with a lot of mixed emotions.
Most people would say I'm over-analyzing the simple task of returning to work, but those who know me well know that there is no such thing as a "simple task"! For me, each and every part of life is a process, a step in one direction or the other, and this is no exception. I've been a part of my family's life 24/7 for the last 10 days, and it's been a real experience. I've grown closer to everyone in my household, but I've also seen how everyone, especailly myself and my four-year old daughter, are sinners in need of constant redemption. For myself, no biggie - it's something I've always known. On the other hand, as far as my daughter goes, it's been a hard thing to swallow. She's four - I know that any and all behavior is expected, but it downright stinks to see how someone I love so much and so unconditionally, needs to lean and trust in a Savior as much as anyone. And, the struggle continues in that at four years of age, I wonder how much of that she can understand.
Which, leads back to my depravity, because I'm called to lead her to that redemption and point her towards Christ. I'm called to point her to the fact that God, not me, is the perfect father. That's something that is hard, because it points once again to my shortcomings.
So, it's not only back to work, it's back to the beginning. The beginning of my faith, a point where I need to remain, and I point where I need to point everyone in my house.

snapshots of a vacation

Well, I've returned. We arrived home today after a 6 day venture to the Northwoods of Wisconsin for our first family vacation with our two daughters. It was quite an experience. A fair warning to anyone who has not ever taken a family vacation - remember, the emphasis should be placed on family, and vacation later. Keeping children entertained and interested when you go out of town can be a real challenge - perhaps not quite what Julie and I had planned. It was a challenge, but it was wonderful to return to Highlands. I really can't say enough about the place. It truly is paradise on Earth. It's a gorgeous location that can't be beat, and it's truly the place on Earth (that I've been to so far) that is the most peaceful. It is so easy for me to get lost in the moment and place in time, and forget about checking e-mails, returning phone calls or anything at all to do with work or home. As a matter of fact, although I've been granted permission to check my work voice mail by my wife, I'm really not ready to do it. I just want to savor the true concept of "vacation" by leaving everything behind.
The trip itself was a compilation of highs and lows. Travelling with two children, four and under, can have it's hazards. Meltdowns, hunger pains and boredem with long driving stints are true "roadway" hazards, and to be sure, we had our fair share. The ones we had really hurt - they were dissappointing and upsetting, because both Julie and I had grand visions of our family getting away, relaxing and spending that "quality time" that we don't have in the day to day world. It was probably also dissappointing for both of us in that from time to time, during those moments, we didn't respond the way that we often think parents should. We got angry... we threatened... or maybe we just ignored to keep our sanity.
On the opposite, there were certainly the highs. It was good to see Julie relaxed at times. I think that being pregnant with two girls is a real challenge, and I think getting away and spending some time with just her was good for her and good for us. Seeing the joy in my daughter's eyes as she got to help "drive" a ski boat, hearing her giggle and laugh when I swam with her in the crystal waters of Plum Lake during a "soap swim" and reading books huddled under the covers during a cold Northern Wisconsin nite were some of the high points.
It's interesting about vacations. You take pictures of the moments that you cherish, and as time passes on, those are the ones you remember. Perhaps, even enough time goes by that you can't remember why the dissappointments happened or what they were about. Years later, you look at the pictures, remember the joy, the fun and the laughter that you had on your family vacation, and perhaps, if you remember them at all, you can't remember exactly what all the arguements or heated words were about.
Amazingly enough, it strikes me, that God is the same way. God forgets our sin and how we dissapoint Him. No, He doesn't exactly FORGET the bad things, but like those pictures of the happy times, the bad things are washed away by something even better than our bad memories - His forgiveness and grace.