A Sailor's Son Looks at 82

So, in the midst of all the excitement at our house, an important date has kind of slipped, but not really. Today is my Dad's birthday - 82 years and going strong. In the midst of my Mom's death, my relationship with my Dad has taken on a new significance and a new closeness. My Dad and I are very different people. First of all, my Dad was the first McGyver. He can concoct ways to fix things with whatever happens to be around - I guess in the old days, they called that resourceful. I call it amazing. I am one of the worst home improvement people on the planet, so even in the early stages of my middle years, I often find myself calling my Dad to ask him what he can do when something at our house is broken. It is amazing what he comes up with! Anyways, it continues to astound me. Also, my Dad is practical, down to earth and not really a detail person - the small stuff isn't a big problem to him, and it is so wonderful to see how someone lives in the moment and doesn't worry about everything - he just does it. All of this is so "not me", and there are many times that I wish I could be so much more like him.
These practical personality traits have become very helpful to him since my Mom has died, and he just picks up and does what he needs to do. We have offered time and time again to do the tasks that my Mom used to do, but he's taken on those things, and in some small way, I think he finds real accomplishment in preparing meals and doing laundry. We're slowly learning to let him do it, because he needs that kind of self-value right now.
I am very proud of the way he has moved into the next phase of his life since my Mom has gone. I know there is hurt and pain, and in the past few weeks, we have really begun to share some of that with each other. Before, my Dad was the perennial German farmer, not really sharing a whole lot. Fortunately, as we've grown closer in his later years, we've become closer.
In many ways, I am very different than my Dad, but as our relationship grows and changes, I see both of us becoming very similar. We both love children, and we both love sharing our hearts with our families. I am very thankful for the quiet love that he had for me, and I am very thankful for the love that he continues to show to all of us (especially the kids) in his generous ways.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!

Growing Young...

There's been a lull in things at the Bauers the last couple weeks, and we're thankful for that, as the next week will be filled with excitement, and for me, emotion. Friday will be the end of school for Katherine - all done with kindergarten. To add to the tenor of things, it will also be her 6th birthday. I've decided that the fact that these milestones are on the same day will enhance my emotions exponentially, and I'm fully anticipating the excitement and emotion to be very strong.
It is so hard for me to believe how quickly my kids are growing up. To me, it seems impossible that Katherine will be a full-time student in the fall, and that Elizabeth will be following in her footsteps with her first year of pre-school. It is exciting to see them grow, and to watch them mature, but at the same time, it is somewhat sad at times. There have been times when Katherine has definitely begun to show the young girl propensity to run off with her friends, and, unbeknownst to her, leave her parents behind wondering when she grew up.
I am so proud of her and of Elizabeth. Now, don't think I'm forgetting Christopher - he's still at home, and I'm just beginning to experience the joys of having a boy, so I'm not feeling too sentimental about him. But, on the other hand, my girls are growing, and watching them grow brings a strong mixture of joy and bittersweet sadness. It is a joy, first and foremost, to see them growing in the Lord. Both girls love learning about Jesus, and it is a joy to see the hopeful roots of a strong faith taking hold. They have challenged me in the depth of my own faith, and have caused me to grow too. Talk about the child caring for the parent.
Of course, all of this comes on the heels of my Mom being gone - which has begun to make me realize how much I'm growing up. In many ways, my life has changed so much too. The problem is, I'm thankful for my growth, but a little sad for my children's. Could it only be that they would remain small and tender while I grew more wise and faithful? Unfortunately, one won't happen without the other, and neither one will actually happen. So goes the time....

One Month

It's hard to believe that my Mom has been gone for one month today. In some ways, because of all the things that have gone on during this past month, it really doesn't seem that long. Oddly enough, I've been more focused on other "sitautions" in the past few weeks, which in some ways, has drawn my heart and mind away from this loss. Now, because of the resolution of those things in my heart and mind, the "anniversary" makes this a little more prominent.
Unfortunately, even the happy experience of going to the circus with the girls and my Dad made the passing of my Mom a little more of the forefront thought today. It goes back to the "new normal" syndrome - realizing that my Dad is the one that's left to share so many experiences and memories with them. My Dad's presence in their lives is something I'm very thankful for. As far as the relationship that my girls have with my parents - the relationship with my Dad has been the more prominent. He is a very interactive and loving grandfather, and I know his love for them is incredibly evident to them.
Still, the absence of my Mom reminds me that there's no one else for my Dad to share those experiences with - even second hand. It always made her extremely happy to know that my Dad was enjoying time with his grand-kids. As I think back, it was a very selfless attitude that she had - at times it was more important that he was with them than if she was with them.
The days and the emotions ebb and flow. Today was just one of the days I realized that she was really gone.

"Healthy" Skepticism

I've been confronted with the concept of skepticism in the past few days, and I've pondered how skepticism and the idea of being a skeptic fits in with my faith. People say that it's always good to have a healthy dose of skepticism when approaching situations and people, but I've come to wonder whether it can honestly be healthy, or whether approaching people with that worldly attitude is wrong. And, it may be that it's not a clear cut issue - when you become skeptical, it is usually based on experiences and situations that you've confronted within the confines of our everyday lives.
That being said, I can't help but think that being skeptical is a form of judgment. Being skeptical causes one to have a pre-conceived notion about another person, whether there are valid circumstances to have that notion or not. Being skeptical is not a common description that I would hope others would think of when they think of me, but I confess, I fear that there are those who do perceive me as such. I can't help but think that the mere fact that they think I'm skeptical is a result of a way that I have treated them or interacted with them in the past. Which leads me to wonder the reasoning and feelings left behind by that previous contact that they had with me - whether my skepticism or quick judgement is the basis of their opinion.