John Bauer, J.D., "Daddy"

I'm taking a real risk posting this post because by writing it, I am confessing my weaknesses and swallowing a CHUNK of pride.
This past weekend, Julie went for a 4 day trip to a Women's church conference in Atlanta. In some ways, it was hard for me to be encouraging to her about going, but I knew that any reason that I would disagree about the trip would be purely and totally self-centered. And, in a way, I figured it would be a good opportunity for me to grow as a father to two girls. And, grow I did.....
I've experienced a lot of emtions in my four days at home. I've found myself understanding some of what Julie tries to explain to me as far as her emotions and experiences as a stay at home mom. I've found that I am definitely not cut out for the stay-at-home experience full time, and I've realized, that in so many different ways, God has created Julie in a way that is perfect for staying at home. I've realized that if my wife were as anal, up tight and obsessive compulsive as I am, that our children would already be destined for a life of being totally neurotic. I've realized that I am more of a perfectionist and that I would probably spend 1/2 of my time at home doing nothing but being frustrated over what I wasn't getting done - and not focusing on what I have accomplished.
I am reminded of a blog by a friend of mine where he discussed the fact that we are called as Christian parents to build believing, faithful children, not always to mold our children into what we wish we could be, and realize at our age that we will never be. It is a challenge, when you are the only parent, to keep that focus.
On the other side, I realize how I've been blessed by this time with my daughters, and in a twisted, self-punishing way, I will miss the last four days. I was blessed by the fact I had nothing better to accomplish than to allow my two daughters round-the-clock access to me as a place to pile drive and run around. I had nothing better to do than spend 1 hour every day reading books with Katherine while Elizabeth napped in the afternoon. I had nothing better to do than to encourage them as they built their strength and confidence on the playground. And in return, the only form of payment I received was the incessant hugs and laughter of my youngest daughter and the fact that every morning I was home, my daughter specifically came into my room and said "I want to give you a big squeeze". In addition, I was able to see how my daughters are growing. I was able to see how Elizabeth has mastered coming down the stairs on her own, and Katherine has grown in her faith and love for Christ to a point where she can begin to quote Scripture, and I believe I begin to see the glimmer of understanding of what she is saying. It is a blessed thing - and the biggest joy I had this weekend was being called "Daddy".