It's hard to believe, and somewhat frustrating, that it's been so long since I've written on my blog. The last month has been an absolute whirlwind, but thankfully, even today, the Lord has given me a little respite by having cases bumped by other things. It offers me this chance to sit down and reflect a little - a particularly timely activity as I recently celebrated my 41st birthday and my 9th anniversary.
It's hard to believe how fast time has passed, and the past month is a true reflection of the bigger picture. I have been involved in two jury trials - both of which didn't go how I had hoped. They were both mentally, physically and emotionally challenging and draining experiences, but in a weird way, they have validated what I do, and have reminded me that this is truly where I am called to be. They have presented me with chances to work on behalf of someone else, and to put my own life and problems in perspective. As a side reward, they have also reminded me of where I have been the last few months, and how my life was changed.
Both cases were cases of motor vehicle fatalities, and both cases put me front and center for my work with victim's families. It had been my hope that these cases would have resolved themselves through the trials, but the one case - a three year old case - ended in a mistrial - thus dragging out the pain for the family. Even today, when again, I thought the case would be resolved soon, twists and turns have postponed that closure. It is so hard for me because I wanted closure for this family, and because it is out of my control, and (in my humble opinion) the defendant has not stepped up to the plate, that closure has still not happened. It has been a lesson that closure (along with anything else) is not in my grasp - that the Lord teaches me through that fact, and though I have tried to be faithful in my service to Him through these cases, I have to continue to serve, because the case is not closed.
The other lesson that has been forefront in my mind the last few weeks - both at work and at home - comes from a sermon a few weeks ago. I have really been challenge by the concept of looking at people and treating people - whoever they are - in a way that reflects the fact that they are made in the image of God. I supposed that it's common for believers not to grasp that everyone - including non-believers - are made in God's image, and that we are called to respond to them in that way. I have really been challenged in that ideal. I have deal with juries, with defendants, with judges, with defense attorneys and with people in my own office in a variety of ways - many of which do not reflect that they are created in God's image. I have been reminded of that frequently by the Spirit in the last few weeks, and have realized how short of that ideal I have fallen. It has not driven me to the cross as it should, but the Lord has at least opened my heart to the fact of my sin. A good thing, as long as I grasp His grace as well.
At home, I have been reminded of the same. I have realized that in many situations, I have fallen short of remembering that my own children, whom I claim to love, are also made in God's image. I have realized that my temper is short, that my anger is quick, and my love is sometimes much more shallow that I'm willing to admit. God has blessed me with my family, and I do love them deeply - just carrying that out is hard in the day to day.
So, as I continue to remind myself of God's image in those around, I close with a thought about my Dad. In the past month, one of the high points was having my Dad sitting in the courtroom during both of my trials. He gained popularity with the victim's family and with people in my office. He spent days here watching the in's and out's of the trials. It was a thrill to have him here, and I was thrilled he could see the fruits of his labors and his efforts. I saddens me that Mom didn't have that chance, and in a round-about way, his presence caused me to miss Mom a little bit more. I know that the next couple months may get harder, as we celebrate the holidays. I pray that I will remember she too, was made in His image, and that in spite of her shortcomings, her love was true and deep - perhaps a lesson I could take from her.
