It was quite a Sunday at Covenant Church, and although I've desired to use this blog to share my thoughts on Sunday sermons, I thought it also appropriate to share a few words about the excitment going on at our church, and the impact that some of it has had on me personally.
Our church has been without a senior pastor for about 17 months, and today, Ryan Laughlin, visited and preached in anticipation of being called to that position in the next couple weeks. It was an exciting morning and frankly, the electricity in the air at Covenant this morning was quite something. It was wonderful to see the high interest level and the high attendance level at church - something that we haven't probably really felt in quite some time. It made me wonder though, how real this process is. We had a crowd at the 8:30 service, the likes of haven't been in a long time, and it seemed that everyone, the choir, the ushers, everyone was on their best behavior. It all made me wonder how real this whole process really is. It felt like one feels when you are little and company comes over for Sunday dinner. The fine china is out, the children are on their best behavior and in their finest clothes. But the question is, is that how a long-term relationship - like the one needed between a pastor and congregation - really is started? It just seems that it wasn't quite real.
Ryan's sermon moved me deeply though. He spoke about the passage of Zaccheus, and how the story of Zaccheus is really the story of Christ's inviation to each of us. He spoke of how our relationship with Christ is often like a game of Marco Polo - the famed hide-and-go-seek game in the swimming pool. Ryan stated that although our relationship may often seem like us reaching out, trying to find Christ with our eyes close, the reality of that relationship is Christ reaching out and us running away. This truly convicted me, and I continue to realize and am drawn in by the thoughts of the necessity of a closer relationship with Christ at this point in my life.
it has been a lot of the realization of the potential leadership that I am about to embark on at Covenant that has caused me to be challenged as to the depth and desire of my Christian walk, and to hear the example today of our running away from Christ makes me realize that I am truly in that problem as well as others. Often, throughout the days, I realize that I could draw myself closer to Christ through prayer or Bible reading, yet for no apparent reason, I run the other way, finding other things to do with my time. I realize that as a leader (although it's not a good reason for doing it), I may be called upon to respond to the needs of others more frequently. If it truly is my desire to assist others with those needs, I need to be prepared - mentally, physically and spiritually.
All of this sounds good, and all of this has probably been in my thought pattern before, but to hear a preacher, who doesn't know the first thing about me, speak to me through his message today, makes me realize the call to take action is coming from Christ, not from some delusion inside me. What I do to respond is another question - will it be the same as before? To some extent, probably yes. But hopefully, it will also be a wake-up call that uses my desire to lead well that draws me to serve Christ well also.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
the rubble
Well, the election results were, for the most part, a big dissappointment. I really wanted to stay in bed this morning, but I realized that it would be pretty much impossible since I haven't banked up two years worth of sick time and vacation. I think that the most dissappointing and telling result was that of our stem-cell intiative here in Missouri. The reason that was more discouraging than the Democratic reboud was because there is much more of a moral and ethical element to the stem-cell debate than to any other debate that may occurr in the halls of Congress.
The fact that the people of Missouri have succumbed to the lies of the scientific community really causes some despair. As much as I want to believe that somehow science will provide our society with cures for many diseases that harm us now, I wonder whether, at the very core level, if we should even be looking for those cures. I often struggle with agreeing with the premise that we should find cures. Our world is based on sin, and because of that sin, God promised that our days would be numbered. I know that disease is also a result of sin, and I know that God has given us the wisdom and knowledge for cures of diseases. So where does that put our attempts to cure something that is a result of our own depravity - a disease that has existed almost as long as people themselves - a disease that no type of stem cell or medication will ever cure - sin.
Beyond the connection between science and spirituality, there comes a question of why we are trying to cure these diseases. Are we curing these diseases to glorify God? to rejoice and use the knowledge that we are given by Him? Or, are we attempting to make these strides for the glory of nothing but ourselves and our "advanced" society? Someone pointed out to me that thousands of years ago, people developed the technology and understanding of how to build buildings, and they then attempted to use that technology to build a tower in Babel. The result of that was not accomplishment, it was the destruction of a people and God rearranging society in a way that would prevent people from reaching Him. We've got the technology, or so it's been claimed. So, as we start to use that technology, are we destined to cause our society to implode just like Babel?
Finally, along the same lines of wondering why we seek these cures, comes the question of our value of life and death? Do we value our lives so greatly that we would do ANYTHING as a society to prevent death? And in attempting to prevent death, are we forgetting what glorious and wonderful things await us when we go home? It appears that our world, of course, has forgotten what will be waiting for us then, and perhaps when you look at it that way - what is waiting for some people is a whole lot worse than death. But as Christians, we forget that death is a good thing. I am certainly guilty of that - as the mere fact of turning 40 next year frightens me. We are not just in the world now, we are part of the world - a part of the world that treasures and holds on to life, and the stuff that comes along with it, so tightly, that we forget that there is so much better shead. Our desire to prolong that life, to put off our going home to Christ, is so great, that we are willing to sacrifice our ethics as a society to prevent that end. Perhaps if we suffered more in life, the thought of glory would be that much sweeter.
The fact that the people of Missouri have succumbed to the lies of the scientific community really causes some despair. As much as I want to believe that somehow science will provide our society with cures for many diseases that harm us now, I wonder whether, at the very core level, if we should even be looking for those cures. I often struggle with agreeing with the premise that we should find cures. Our world is based on sin, and because of that sin, God promised that our days would be numbered. I know that disease is also a result of sin, and I know that God has given us the wisdom and knowledge for cures of diseases. So where does that put our attempts to cure something that is a result of our own depravity - a disease that has existed almost as long as people themselves - a disease that no type of stem cell or medication will ever cure - sin.
Beyond the connection between science and spirituality, there comes a question of why we are trying to cure these diseases. Are we curing these diseases to glorify God? to rejoice and use the knowledge that we are given by Him? Or, are we attempting to make these strides for the glory of nothing but ourselves and our "advanced" society? Someone pointed out to me that thousands of years ago, people developed the technology and understanding of how to build buildings, and they then attempted to use that technology to build a tower in Babel. The result of that was not accomplishment, it was the destruction of a people and God rearranging society in a way that would prevent people from reaching Him. We've got the technology, or so it's been claimed. So, as we start to use that technology, are we destined to cause our society to implode just like Babel?
Finally, along the same lines of wondering why we seek these cures, comes the question of our value of life and death? Do we value our lives so greatly that we would do ANYTHING as a society to prevent death? And in attempting to prevent death, are we forgetting what glorious and wonderful things await us when we go home? It appears that our world, of course, has forgotten what will be waiting for us then, and perhaps when you look at it that way - what is waiting for some people is a whole lot worse than death. But as Christians, we forget that death is a good thing. I am certainly guilty of that - as the mere fact of turning 40 next year frightens me. We are not just in the world now, we are part of the world - a part of the world that treasures and holds on to life, and the stuff that comes along with it, so tightly, that we forget that there is so much better shead. Our desire to prolong that life, to put off our going home to Christ, is so great, that we are willing to sacrifice our ethics as a society to prevent that end. Perhaps if we suffered more in life, the thought of glory would be that much sweeter.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
the real battle
One of the things that I've wanted to do in the past couple months, but that I haven't found the time to do, is to use my blog for posting my thoughts on sermons I hear each week. I think it will challenge me not only to listen better, but to go back and consider the applications of them as I go through the subsequent weeks and months.
Today's sermon was focused on the battle that rages in our world every day. It's a battle that shows itself in many ways, and through many different vessels, but the battle itself is a spiritual battle - the most basic between good and evil. We may see the battle as the battle that we face tomorrow - a political battle. It can be a battle that I sometimes feel I fight at work - a battle to justify my job and the things I do every tday.
The important thing though, is to see the battle for what it is - a battle for our souls and for the souls of those around us. Many in the battle have already surrendered to one side or the other, but their are others who are struggling still between the two sides. Those people need prayer and encouragement. We as Christians appear to have made a decision in the battle - choosing Christ, but the fact of the matter is - even with that decision having been made, the battle lines can be even closer to the forefront. I certainly have seen in my life, where because I am a Christian, I fight battles that those who aren't believers don't even know exist. Sin and temptation are so different for me as a believer. I look at my life, and see struggles with sin in things such as gossip, not loving my family or co-workers as I should, or not committing myself to regular time of reading Scripture. To someone who isn't a beliver, those aren't battles at all, so the battle is a different one for each person.
The thing that I gleaned out of the sermon though, was that despite what battles and how strongly they are being fought, the grace of Christ overcomes those battles, and frankly, if we don't trust that He will, we belittle His work and His power. That was something that struck me quite clearly. I realize how in my life, so many day to day battles are battles that I choose to fight on my own. I don't think that Christ has time for my work struggles or my frustrations with my children at bedtime. Those are things that I need to work through - NOT! I need to trust in Christ's work and strength for those battles as well, and I need to look for guidance in prayer and Scripture to use His strength to get me through the "little" battles each and every day.
Today's sermon was focused on the battle that rages in our world every day. It's a battle that shows itself in many ways, and through many different vessels, but the battle itself is a spiritual battle - the most basic between good and evil. We may see the battle as the battle that we face tomorrow - a political battle. It can be a battle that I sometimes feel I fight at work - a battle to justify my job and the things I do every tday.
The important thing though, is to see the battle for what it is - a battle for our souls and for the souls of those around us. Many in the battle have already surrendered to one side or the other, but their are others who are struggling still between the two sides. Those people need prayer and encouragement. We as Christians appear to have made a decision in the battle - choosing Christ, but the fact of the matter is - even with that decision having been made, the battle lines can be even closer to the forefront. I certainly have seen in my life, where because I am a Christian, I fight battles that those who aren't believers don't even know exist. Sin and temptation are so different for me as a believer. I look at my life, and see struggles with sin in things such as gossip, not loving my family or co-workers as I should, or not committing myself to regular time of reading Scripture. To someone who isn't a beliver, those aren't battles at all, so the battle is a different one for each person.
The thing that I gleaned out of the sermon though, was that despite what battles and how strongly they are being fought, the grace of Christ overcomes those battles, and frankly, if we don't trust that He will, we belittle His work and His power. That was something that struck me quite clearly. I realize how in my life, so many day to day battles are battles that I choose to fight on my own. I don't think that Christ has time for my work struggles or my frustrations with my children at bedtime. Those are things that I need to work through - NOT! I need to trust in Christ's work and strength for those battles as well, and I need to look for guidance in prayer and Scripture to use His strength to get me through the "little" battles each and every day.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
28 days (later)
It's been just about 28 days since I've last blogged, and I really can't explain the delay. The only thing that I can explain is that after a week or so, my mind was filled with so many things to discuss, I just gave up. I found that I had so many ideas, thoughts, emotions and experiences that I wanted to share, that there was no way I could do it in one entry - so I just didn't blog. Now, I'm back - there's still a lot on the table, but I figure I've got to start somewhere.
Perhaps the four or five main things that have occupied my mind in the past few weeks are some changes in my faith, my general observations on the heated political climate as the elections grow close, the Cardinals winning the World Series and some frustrations in my personal world. I'm sure if I spent enough energy, I could combine most of them into a single thought progression, but my head, and the heads of the two or three serious readers that I do have, might explode.
For me personally, I think the most significant thing that has gone on, besides the fact that I turned 39 a few weeks ago, is that I have really been convicted about my lack of commitment to Christ. Not that my faith is fragile, but I've been convicted that in order for me to grow, as I should want to grow, in my faith, I need to truly commit more time and energy to learning about Christ through His word. I have had numerous occaisions in the past few months where I have realized that in order for my witness to be more effective to some around me, I need to have a better command and grasp of the Bible. It's not that my faith or my salvation is dependant on this, it's just that I've realized that I am in a leadership position at Covenant, and for my leadership, and for God's work through my leadership to be more effective, I need to have a better grasp of the Scriptures. I guess when it boils down to it, the grasp of Scripture is the thing that will offer me a better grasp on all of the other things that are going on in my life, and in the lives of those around me.
We'll see how it goes.
Perhaps the four or five main things that have occupied my mind in the past few weeks are some changes in my faith, my general observations on the heated political climate as the elections grow close, the Cardinals winning the World Series and some frustrations in my personal world. I'm sure if I spent enough energy, I could combine most of them into a single thought progression, but my head, and the heads of the two or three serious readers that I do have, might explode.
For me personally, I think the most significant thing that has gone on, besides the fact that I turned 39 a few weeks ago, is that I have really been convicted about my lack of commitment to Christ. Not that my faith is fragile, but I've been convicted that in order for me to grow, as I should want to grow, in my faith, I need to truly commit more time and energy to learning about Christ through His word. I have had numerous occaisions in the past few months where I have realized that in order for my witness to be more effective to some around me, I need to have a better command and grasp of the Bible. It's not that my faith or my salvation is dependant on this, it's just that I've realized that I am in a leadership position at Covenant, and for my leadership, and for God's work through my leadership to be more effective, I need to have a better grasp of the Scriptures. I guess when it boils down to it, the grasp of Scripture is the thing that will offer me a better grasp on all of the other things that are going on in my life, and in the lives of those around me.
We'll see how it goes.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
how big is God?
I have been quite captivated by the sad story of the tragedy in the Pennsylvania Amish community this week. The story itself is horrific and terrifying, especially to a parent of two (3!) children, the oldest of which is just a year away from going to school every day. In addition to the three nationally covered school tragedies in the past few weeks, a local Christian school associated with our church was also the scene of a shooting. Although this did not involve any students, except the one who came to the campus after the school day was over with a weapon, it has made me realize the potential for sin to attack my family at every and any turn.
In the case of the shooting in Pennsylvania, I have been more drawn in by the whole Amish community, and their amazing response to the way their lives have been torn apart by the very world from which they distance themselves. The stories coming out of Pennsylvania in which the families are forgiving the killer, and reminding each of us that we should not approach him with more disgust that we should probably approach the sin that is in each of us. It seems that this is forgiveness beyond any human capability, and beyond what we should honestly be willing to give out. But, we are reminded of how much we must forgive those who sin against us.
On the other side of the "God" factor in this story is the anger that the killer had for God after the premature death of his child 20 years ago. In no way do I say this to justify what he did. His actions were terrible and horrific, and a man that is that far gone is probably better dead, for his own benefit and society's benefit. But it does remind me of the anger and hurt that I have felt when we lost our children. I certainly can relate how that anger, and that result of sin can also tear at a man's heart.
I am not quite sure how God all fits together in this - on one side, there is a God that is so big, that His Spirit allows these simple, Christ-driven people to forgive such an evil action. On the other side, because of sin, there is a man driven by anger and hatred towards God to commit such a evil act.
It is really interesting, because I think this story brings the world back to a very basic fact - that God and our desire to worship God is at the center of everything and anything that goes on in our world. Our desire to worship can either drive us to a point where we are so angered and hurt, that we refuse to worship, or our desire to worship can drive us to a point where our love for God and our worship of Him is so complete, that we can forgive incredible evil.
To me, that makes God a pretty big God.
In the case of the shooting in Pennsylvania, I have been more drawn in by the whole Amish community, and their amazing response to the way their lives have been torn apart by the very world from which they distance themselves. The stories coming out of Pennsylvania in which the families are forgiving the killer, and reminding each of us that we should not approach him with more disgust that we should probably approach the sin that is in each of us. It seems that this is forgiveness beyond any human capability, and beyond what we should honestly be willing to give out. But, we are reminded of how much we must forgive those who sin against us.
On the other side of the "God" factor in this story is the anger that the killer had for God after the premature death of his child 20 years ago. In no way do I say this to justify what he did. His actions were terrible and horrific, and a man that is that far gone is probably better dead, for his own benefit and society's benefit. But it does remind me of the anger and hurt that I have felt when we lost our children. I certainly can relate how that anger, and that result of sin can also tear at a man's heart.
I am not quite sure how God all fits together in this - on one side, there is a God that is so big, that His Spirit allows these simple, Christ-driven people to forgive such an evil action. On the other side, because of sin, there is a man driven by anger and hatred towards God to commit such a evil act.
It is really interesting, because I think this story brings the world back to a very basic fact - that God and our desire to worship God is at the center of everything and anything that goes on in our world. Our desire to worship can either drive us to a point where we are so angered and hurt, that we refuse to worship, or our desire to worship can drive us to a point where our love for God and our worship of Him is so complete, that we can forgive incredible evil.
To me, that makes God a pretty big God.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
we're loyal to you Illinois....
You know, anymore, the opportunity for me, as a University of Illinois graduate, to write a up-beat, positive blog during football season is pretty rare. So in honor of my Fighting Illini overcoming the 26 point spread and beat a Big 10 team on the road, I want to share this clip. Honestly, I can't quite make sense of what is happening here, but it follows an attempt by the Illinois team to "plant their flag" on the MSU football field. Sounds pretty stupid, but you know, I wasn't the brightest bulb in the box during my college years either.
Anyways, if you're Illini fan - enjoy. If you're an MSU fan - sorry, but it's been a few years since we've beaten you. To every season, turn, turn, turn....
Anyways, if you're Illini fan - enjoy. If you're an MSU fan - sorry, but it's been a few years since we've beaten you. To every season, turn, turn, turn....
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
farther up and further in
I find it quite ironic, or I guess, quite providential how things in my life have been progressing lately. The bottom line of life for the past six months is the frustrations and annoyances that I have suffered on a regular basis at work. I have found that my work, as much as I love it, is the source of a lot of my stress. The people and circumstances at my office have become increasingly annoying, and I have felt increasingly distanced from everything there. I still love what I do, and I still believe that what I do is my true vocational calling, but the circumstances in which I have carried out that calling are not enjoyable.
To that end, I have found my time with my family increasingly enjoyable. Having the opportunity to spend the time at home with the girls for four days straight, although exhausting, was a real joy. I feel that time together deepended and strengthened that bond, and I am reaping the benefits of that every day now when I come home from work.
Then... from nowhere has come the most recent surprise, an increased sense of calling to be involved in the ministries of my church. I have been a deacon at Covenant Church for two years now, and recently, it has become apparent that my level of commitment and involvement is potentially on the verge of becoming much deeper and much stronger. It is an opportunity that excites me, but surprises me at the same time. I have received much praise and positive response from the work I've done - work that I've felt that I've only done to a standard, acceptable level, but in the eyes of others, work that has truly been guided and blessed by God.
It's hard for me to accept the compliments I've received, and I always struggle, as a reformed Presbyterian, with balancing accepting compliments and giving the glory to God.
I so want to be proud, but I know that pride is a terribly sad state of mind. How do you balance the two? How do you give the glory to God for working through you in a way that His glory shows out from you to others? I don't understand how to do that - how that everyone outside sees Him, not you. And... is it terribly wrong that they do see you (me) when I'm the vessel?
To add to the blessing of my work, Julie has also become more involved and become drawn more into the inner workings of the women's ministries at our church. It's weird to sense this concept that we are becoming this intrinsic part of the inner-workings of our congregation. It is exciting, yet terrifying at the same time. To feel that we are holding ourselves out even more as faithful followers of Christ - while we sometimes don't feel that we are those same faithful followers on a daily basis.
In any sense, the work that I've been doing has been a blessing, because it's been an encouragement to me - a source of validation that God is able to work through me and through the things I do, despite the obstacles I face every day. Still, the obstacles exist. Even today, confrontation with others in my office can be a frustrating experience, and bring me right back down to earth.
I know that we are not supposed to focus on the temporary struggle - we discussed it this week in our Peter Bible Study, but the fact is that the temporary struggles are what is real from day to day, not the yet-to-come glory.
To that end, I have found my time with my family increasingly enjoyable. Having the opportunity to spend the time at home with the girls for four days straight, although exhausting, was a real joy. I feel that time together deepended and strengthened that bond, and I am reaping the benefits of that every day now when I come home from work.
Then... from nowhere has come the most recent surprise, an increased sense of calling to be involved in the ministries of my church. I have been a deacon at Covenant Church for two years now, and recently, it has become apparent that my level of commitment and involvement is potentially on the verge of becoming much deeper and much stronger. It is an opportunity that excites me, but surprises me at the same time. I have received much praise and positive response from the work I've done - work that I've felt that I've only done to a standard, acceptable level, but in the eyes of others, work that has truly been guided and blessed by God.
It's hard for me to accept the compliments I've received, and I always struggle, as a reformed Presbyterian, with balancing accepting compliments and giving the glory to God.
I so want to be proud, but I know that pride is a terribly sad state of mind. How do you balance the two? How do you give the glory to God for working through you in a way that His glory shows out from you to others? I don't understand how to do that - how that everyone outside sees Him, not you. And... is it terribly wrong that they do see you (me) when I'm the vessel?
To add to the blessing of my work, Julie has also become more involved and become drawn more into the inner workings of the women's ministries at our church. It's weird to sense this concept that we are becoming this intrinsic part of the inner-workings of our congregation. It is exciting, yet terrifying at the same time. To feel that we are holding ourselves out even more as faithful followers of Christ - while we sometimes don't feel that we are those same faithful followers on a daily basis.
In any sense, the work that I've been doing has been a blessing, because it's been an encouragement to me - a source of validation that God is able to work through me and through the things I do, despite the obstacles I face every day. Still, the obstacles exist. Even today, confrontation with others in my office can be a frustrating experience, and bring me right back down to earth.
I know that we are not supposed to focus on the temporary struggle - we discussed it this week in our Peter Bible Study, but the fact is that the temporary struggles are what is real from day to day, not the yet-to-come glory.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
John Bauer, J.D., "Daddy"
I'm taking a real risk posting this post because by writing it, I am confessing my weaknesses and swallowing a CHUNK of pride.
This past weekend, Julie went for a 4 day trip to a Women's church conference in Atlanta. In some ways, it was hard for me to be encouraging to her about going, but I knew that any reason that I would disagree about the trip would be purely and totally self-centered. And, in a way, I figured it would be a good opportunity for me to grow as a father to two girls. And, grow I did.....
I've experienced a lot of emtions in my four days at home. I've found myself understanding some of what Julie tries to explain to me as far as her emotions and experiences as a stay at home mom. I've found that I am definitely not cut out for the stay-at-home experience full time, and I've realized, that in so many different ways, God has created Julie in a way that is perfect for staying at home. I've realized that if my wife were as anal, up tight and obsessive compulsive as I am, that our children would already be destined for a life of being totally neurotic. I've realized that I am more of a perfectionist and that I would probably spend 1/2 of my time at home doing nothing but being frustrated over what I wasn't getting done - and not focusing on what I have accomplished.
I am reminded of a blog by a friend of mine where he discussed the fact that we are called as Christian parents to build believing, faithful children, not always to mold our children into what we wish we could be, and realize at our age that we will never be. It is a challenge, when you are the only parent, to keep that focus.
On the other side, I realize how I've been blessed by this time with my daughters, and in a twisted, self-punishing way, I will miss the last four days. I was blessed by the fact I had nothing better to accomplish than to allow my two daughters round-the-clock access to me as a place to pile drive and run around. I had nothing better to do than spend 1 hour every day reading books with Katherine while Elizabeth napped in the afternoon. I had nothing better to do than to encourage them as they built their strength and confidence on the playground. And in return, the only form of payment I received was the incessant hugs and laughter of my youngest daughter and the fact that every morning I was home, my daughter specifically came into my room and said "I want to give you a big squeeze". In addition, I was able to see how my daughters are growing. I was able to see how Elizabeth has mastered coming down the stairs on her own, and Katherine has grown in her faith and love for Christ to a point where she can begin to quote Scripture, and I believe I begin to see the glimmer of understanding of what she is saying. It is a blessed thing - and the biggest joy I had this weekend was being called "Daddy".
This past weekend, Julie went for a 4 day trip to a Women's church conference in Atlanta. In some ways, it was hard for me to be encouraging to her about going, but I knew that any reason that I would disagree about the trip would be purely and totally self-centered. And, in a way, I figured it would be a good opportunity for me to grow as a father to two girls. And, grow I did.....
I've experienced a lot of emtions in my four days at home. I've found myself understanding some of what Julie tries to explain to me as far as her emotions and experiences as a stay at home mom. I've found that I am definitely not cut out for the stay-at-home experience full time, and I've realized, that in so many different ways, God has created Julie in a way that is perfect for staying at home. I've realized that if my wife were as anal, up tight and obsessive compulsive as I am, that our children would already be destined for a life of being totally neurotic. I've realized that I am more of a perfectionist and that I would probably spend 1/2 of my time at home doing nothing but being frustrated over what I wasn't getting done - and not focusing on what I have accomplished.
I am reminded of a blog by a friend of mine where he discussed the fact that we are called as Christian parents to build believing, faithful children, not always to mold our children into what we wish we could be, and realize at our age that we will never be. It is a challenge, when you are the only parent, to keep that focus.
On the other side, I realize how I've been blessed by this time with my daughters, and in a twisted, self-punishing way, I will miss the last four days. I was blessed by the fact I had nothing better to accomplish than to allow my two daughters round-the-clock access to me as a place to pile drive and run around. I had nothing better to do than spend 1 hour every day reading books with Katherine while Elizabeth napped in the afternoon. I had nothing better to do than to encourage them as they built their strength and confidence on the playground. And in return, the only form of payment I received was the incessant hugs and laughter of my youngest daughter and the fact that every morning I was home, my daughter specifically came into my room and said "I want to give you a big squeeze". In addition, I was able to see how my daughters are growing. I was able to see how Elizabeth has mastered coming down the stairs on her own, and Katherine has grown in her faith and love for Christ to a point where she can begin to quote Scripture, and I believe I begin to see the glimmer of understanding of what she is saying. It is a blessed thing - and the biggest joy I had this weekend was being called "Daddy".
Monday, September 11, 2006
try to remember
Try to remember the kind of September
When life was slow and oh, so mellow.
Try to remember the kind of September
When grass was green and grain was yellow.
Try to remember the kind of September
When you were a tender and callow fellow.
Try to remember, and if you remember,
Then follow.
Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow,
Follow, follow, follow, follow.
Try to remember when life was so tender
That no one wept except the willow.
Try to remember when life was so tender
That dreams were kept beside your pillow.
Try to remember when life was so tender
That love was an ember about to billow.
Try to remember, and if you remember,
Then follow.
Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow,
Follow, follow, follow, follow.
Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow,
Follow, follow, follow, follow.
Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow,
Follow, follow, follow, follow.
Deep in December, it's nice to remember,
Although you know the snow will follow.
Deep in December, it's nice to remember,
Without a hurt the heart is hollow.
Deep in December, it's nice to remember,
The fire of September that made us mellow.
Deep in December, our hearts should remember
And follow.
It's hard to believe that it's been five years since Sept. 10. Yes, that's right - Sept. 10. The reason I say that day, and not Sept. 11, is because Sept. 10 was the last day that I think the world remmbered the kind of September that is mentioned in the song from the Fantasticks. Ever since Sept. 11, we have not had that kind of day, and so it's an interesting way to think about this anniversary that is commemerated today.
Sept. 10, for all I can remember, was probably much like any other September day. It was a Monday, and I'm sure that it was like any other Monday close to the beginning of a school year. It was also the first full week of work in September - Labor Day having been the week before. My guess is many people rolled over in bed a couple extra times, wishing it was till the weekend, and dreading the fact that there were five work/school days in the week. I don't remember exactly what it was like for me. My wife still was working, so I suspect September 10 involved the usual shuffle for both of us to get ready and get out the door.
I wish I did remember more about September 10. I wish I remembered how I felt that morning. I wish I remembered whether I felt more confident in the world around me.
But, I also wish I remembered more of how I felt on September 11 also.....
I think I have a regret in my life that I never actually heard the initial reports about the two first planes. I do remember that I was on my way to work, and for whatever reason, I didn't have my radio on - whether I was listening to loud music, as I often do on my morning drives, or whether I had just decided to drive to work wihtout any noise - I don't remember.
I wish I remembered more of how I felt when I first heard the news. I wish I remembered how I felt as the news reports came trickling in, and I realized, along with the rest of the world, what was happening to us that day.
There are a few pieces of memory I do have. I do remember wondering "What's going to happen next"? I just knew that more could be coming, and I wondered, in the light of this new world and these new emotions of fear and sadness, what "next" meant.
I do remember the concern my wife and I had when we realized Julie's mom was in D.C. and was possibly at the Pentagon, and I remember trying to talk with Julie and figure out how we were going to find out whether she was OK. I do remember praying in chruch that evening, and I do remember the hymn we sang with voices cracking with tears:
O GOD OUR HELP IN AGES PAST
O God, our help in ages past,
our hope for years to come,
our shelter from the stormy blast,
and our eternal home.
Under the shadow of thy throne,
still may we dwell secure;
sufficient is thine arm alone,
and our defense is sure.
There are some things about September 11, 2001 that I do remember, but I feel that now, a mere five years later, I don't remember enough. I don't remember the sting that I felt that day. I don't remember the pain and the tears as strongly as I feel as though I should remember them. I don't remember the way that I, and so many others, were driven to the core of our faith because we thought the very world we were living in was truly ending. There has been a lot of talk over the last 5 years about remembering what happened that day, and there is truly a political aspect of the lack of rememberance. We were bound together as a country and as faithful in God, because many of us felt, like we never had before, that there was nothing in this world that could protect us and bind us together as our faith could. Today, I think a lot of people don't remember. We don't remember what our cause is - not only our political cause and directive, but our spiritual cause. We are called today, just as we were 5 years ago, to turn our eyes onto Christ, and we have not remembered that calling.
It hurts to think about that day, but it doesn't hurt enough. And the hurt that I describe is certainly a lame excuse for hurt compared to so many others that lost so much more, and dug so much deeper than I did.
Hopefully, we will all pause to remember, but also, we will all recall what a great God we have - that He brought us back from that low day. Perhaps we can all remember Him.
When life was slow and oh, so mellow.
Try to remember the kind of September
When grass was green and grain was yellow.
Try to remember the kind of September
When you were a tender and callow fellow.
Try to remember, and if you remember,
Then follow.
Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow,
Follow, follow, follow, follow.
Try to remember when life was so tender
That no one wept except the willow.
Try to remember when life was so tender
That dreams were kept beside your pillow.
Try to remember when life was so tender
That love was an ember about to billow.
Try to remember, and if you remember,
Then follow.
Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow,
Follow, follow, follow, follow.
Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow,
Follow, follow, follow, follow.
Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow,
Follow, follow, follow, follow.
Deep in December, it's nice to remember,
Although you know the snow will follow.
Deep in December, it's nice to remember,
Without a hurt the heart is hollow.
Deep in December, it's nice to remember,
The fire of September that made us mellow.
Deep in December, our hearts should remember
And follow.
It's hard to believe that it's been five years since Sept. 10. Yes, that's right - Sept. 10. The reason I say that day, and not Sept. 11, is because Sept. 10 was the last day that I think the world remmbered the kind of September that is mentioned in the song from the Fantasticks. Ever since Sept. 11, we have not had that kind of day, and so it's an interesting way to think about this anniversary that is commemerated today.
Sept. 10, for all I can remember, was probably much like any other September day. It was a Monday, and I'm sure that it was like any other Monday close to the beginning of a school year. It was also the first full week of work in September - Labor Day having been the week before. My guess is many people rolled over in bed a couple extra times, wishing it was till the weekend, and dreading the fact that there were five work/school days in the week. I don't remember exactly what it was like for me. My wife still was working, so I suspect September 10 involved the usual shuffle for both of us to get ready and get out the door.
I wish I did remember more about September 10. I wish I remembered how I felt that morning. I wish I remembered whether I felt more confident in the world around me.
But, I also wish I remembered more of how I felt on September 11 also.....
I think I have a regret in my life that I never actually heard the initial reports about the two first planes. I do remember that I was on my way to work, and for whatever reason, I didn't have my radio on - whether I was listening to loud music, as I often do on my morning drives, or whether I had just decided to drive to work wihtout any noise - I don't remember.
I wish I remembered more of how I felt when I first heard the news. I wish I remembered how I felt as the news reports came trickling in, and I realized, along with the rest of the world, what was happening to us that day.
There are a few pieces of memory I do have. I do remember wondering "What's going to happen next"? I just knew that more could be coming, and I wondered, in the light of this new world and these new emotions of fear and sadness, what "next" meant.
I do remember the concern my wife and I had when we realized Julie's mom was in D.C. and was possibly at the Pentagon, and I remember trying to talk with Julie and figure out how we were going to find out whether she was OK. I do remember praying in chruch that evening, and I do remember the hymn we sang with voices cracking with tears:
O GOD OUR HELP IN AGES PAST
O God, our help in ages past,
our hope for years to come,
our shelter from the stormy blast,
and our eternal home.
Under the shadow of thy throne,
still may we dwell secure;
sufficient is thine arm alone,
and our defense is sure.
There are some things about September 11, 2001 that I do remember, but I feel that now, a mere five years later, I don't remember enough. I don't remember the sting that I felt that day. I don't remember the pain and the tears as strongly as I feel as though I should remember them. I don't remember the way that I, and so many others, were driven to the core of our faith because we thought the very world we were living in was truly ending. There has been a lot of talk over the last 5 years about remembering what happened that day, and there is truly a political aspect of the lack of rememberance. We were bound together as a country and as faithful in God, because many of us felt, like we never had before, that there was nothing in this world that could protect us and bind us together as our faith could. Today, I think a lot of people don't remember. We don't remember what our cause is - not only our political cause and directive, but our spiritual cause. We are called today, just as we were 5 years ago, to turn our eyes onto Christ, and we have not remembered that calling.
It hurts to think about that day, but it doesn't hurt enough. And the hurt that I describe is certainly a lame excuse for hurt compared to so many others that lost so much more, and dug so much deeper than I did.
Hopefully, we will all pause to remember, but also, we will all recall what a great God we have - that He brought us back from that low day. Perhaps we can all remember Him.
Friday, September 08, 2006
perfect in every way
I haven't really talked about the fact that Julie and I are expecting our third child very much. If this blog would have occurred when we were expecting Katherine, our first, I suspect it would've been the topic of many entries. Anyways, after yesterday, I figured it was a good chance to do just that.
We had our "big" ultrasound yesterday - the one when we could have found out whether we are having a boy or a girl. Much to Julie's consternation, we didn't find out... but that's another blog entry.
What amazed me yesterday was the commentary of the lady who was conducting the ultrasound. In the past, we had Mary - a sweet lady who was just kind of entertaining and comforting, but the lady who administered the ultrasound yesterday was more scientific in her analysis, but in a way, it was what Julie and I needed. As she viewed the various pictures of the baby, she would comment on what we were seeing, and almost every time, she would make some comment like "perfect size", "perfectly formed" or "developing perfectly". As she went through so many things - the bones, the kidneys, the four chambers of the heart, each lobe of the brain, and on and on, I began to realize how many things could be wrong with a baby. I realized how amazing it all is that these things form perfectly.
I also realized how blessed we were to have three beautifully, perfectly formed children. It is amazing what happens when a child forms, and when you really think about it, it is shocking how many things can go wrong during that growth. It makes me realized to see that God has blessed us two (almost three) times with this amazing handiwork.
This certainly isn't saying anything against special needs children, and I certainly see how God's work is alive and well in their lives as well, but to realize the many things that could happen, the difficulties that could occur as a child forms in its' mother's womb, makes me see God's hand clearly at work in our three children.
We had our "big" ultrasound yesterday - the one when we could have found out whether we are having a boy or a girl. Much to Julie's consternation, we didn't find out... but that's another blog entry.
What amazed me yesterday was the commentary of the lady who was conducting the ultrasound. In the past, we had Mary - a sweet lady who was just kind of entertaining and comforting, but the lady who administered the ultrasound yesterday was more scientific in her analysis, but in a way, it was what Julie and I needed. As she viewed the various pictures of the baby, she would comment on what we were seeing, and almost every time, she would make some comment like "perfect size", "perfectly formed" or "developing perfectly". As she went through so many things - the bones, the kidneys, the four chambers of the heart, each lobe of the brain, and on and on, I began to realize how many things could be wrong with a baby. I realized how amazing it all is that these things form perfectly.
I also realized how blessed we were to have three beautifully, perfectly formed children. It is amazing what happens when a child forms, and when you really think about it, it is shocking how many things can go wrong during that growth. It makes me realized to see that God has blessed us two (almost three) times with this amazing handiwork.
This certainly isn't saying anything against special needs children, and I certainly see how God's work is alive and well in their lives as well, but to realize the many things that could happen, the difficulties that could occur as a child forms in its' mother's womb, makes me see God's hand clearly at work in our three children.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
hollow victory
Editing note - this entry was started on Aug. 29, but added to on Sept. 3 and 4. I had a preliminary hearing on a case today that involved a young man being killed because the driver of the vehicle was drunk and crashed into another car. I won the hearing, but I have to admit, the victory was not sweet. I walked out of the courtroom, knowing that if this case went to trial, I would be used as a floor mop for the courthouse steps in the process. What was worse, I knew that the defense attorney knew the same thing.
There are so many different aspects of this situation that leave me cold. Of course, the first is the dissappointment that I suffered in seeing my case - this disaster in motion - unfold before me. I felt somewhat confident in the ability of my witnesses, but they basically self-destructed on cross-examination. I felt that somehow I hadn't done all I could, but at the same time, I knew that I had attempted to prepare them.
I also felt terrible because of the fact that the defense attorney, in his glib manner, knew how successful he had been in destroying my case. You see, the defense attorney I dealt with today is a nice guy, but he is the perfect example of what people think of when they think of a "slimy" defense attorney. He's not totally evil, but he's so good, and he knows he's so good, that seeing my case crumble was so humiliating. Before the hearing, I was talking with him, and I'm sure he even knew then what his tactic was to destroy my witnesses, but he chatted with me like he was just wanting to get in and out of the court room as quickly as possible. But, when the hearing itself started, he took his sweet time pulling the rug of credibility out from under each witnesses feet.
I know that I take these cases very personally, and I know that caring, as I do, sets me up for disappointment and heartache when things don't go the way I think they should. It's hard to face that day in and day out in my office when I don't feel that it's the norm for people with whom I work. It hurts and my pride and my enthusiasm often take very direct hits.
9/4/06 - That's where I was with this situation a few days ago, and in some ways, I'm at the same point now. The pain is a little easier to take, but the deep feelings about my cases and wanting to have success here and there still exist.
It's amazing, though, how God works through these situations and how God brings the right messages to your heart at the tright time. That was very clear to me this past Sunday as Sean Lucas and John Roberts preached at Covenant Church about trials and about God working through those trials. It was also very convicting to me that when these trials come, I need to look outside myself. It is not all about me (maybe some day I'll really understand that). Trials come to grow us, but they ultimately come so that we realize who were are being grown by - God, and so that we can glorify him and understand that He is drawing us closer to Him and making us more like Him.
Since my initial entry on this, I've gone through the frustration period, but the frustration has lessened and I have "moved on" and realized that there is a calling here, still. I believe with most of my heart, that God is calling me to the work I have, but it's often difficult to see that through my frustration and annoyance with others' response to my work.
There are so many different aspects of this situation that leave me cold. Of course, the first is the dissappointment that I suffered in seeing my case - this disaster in motion - unfold before me. I felt somewhat confident in the ability of my witnesses, but they basically self-destructed on cross-examination. I felt that somehow I hadn't done all I could, but at the same time, I knew that I had attempted to prepare them.
I also felt terrible because of the fact that the defense attorney, in his glib manner, knew how successful he had been in destroying my case. You see, the defense attorney I dealt with today is a nice guy, but he is the perfect example of what people think of when they think of a "slimy" defense attorney. He's not totally evil, but he's so good, and he knows he's so good, that seeing my case crumble was so humiliating. Before the hearing, I was talking with him, and I'm sure he even knew then what his tactic was to destroy my witnesses, but he chatted with me like he was just wanting to get in and out of the court room as quickly as possible. But, when the hearing itself started, he took his sweet time pulling the rug of credibility out from under each witnesses feet.
I know that I take these cases very personally, and I know that caring, as I do, sets me up for disappointment and heartache when things don't go the way I think they should. It's hard to face that day in and day out in my office when I don't feel that it's the norm for people with whom I work. It hurts and my pride and my enthusiasm often take very direct hits.
9/4/06 - That's where I was with this situation a few days ago, and in some ways, I'm at the same point now. The pain is a little easier to take, but the deep feelings about my cases and wanting to have success here and there still exist.
It's amazing, though, how God works through these situations and how God brings the right messages to your heart at the tright time. That was very clear to me this past Sunday as Sean Lucas and John Roberts preached at Covenant Church about trials and about God working through those trials. It was also very convicting to me that when these trials come, I need to look outside myself. It is not all about me (maybe some day I'll really understand that). Trials come to grow us, but they ultimately come so that we realize who were are being grown by - God, and so that we can glorify him and understand that He is drawing us closer to Him and making us more like Him.
Since my initial entry on this, I've gone through the frustration period, but the frustration has lessened and I have "moved on" and realized that there is a calling here, still. I believe with most of my heart, that God is calling me to the work I have, but it's often difficult to see that through my frustration and annoyance with others' response to my work.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
small as a mustard seed
My post today is an interesting combination, a combination of some personal experiences and a thought provoking article I found on the web.
As to my experiences, today I awoke with just a burst of energy. I'm not quite sure where it's come from, but in the past few weeks, I have begun to exercise in earnest again and, interestingly enough, I have found time on the days I walk/run outside to spend time in prayer. I think I mentioned that fact before - that there was a connection between the two when I quit doing both, and I'm encouraged to see a tiny connection between the two as I begin to do both again. It caused me to ponder the minimal time I spend in prayer and in the Word, but it also cause me to be somewhat encouraged that just because it's not a priority right now, that doesn't automatically mean that it won't always be a priority.
In somewhat of a connected thought, I stumbled across an article and related video report from the New York Times today about a school in NY that shcools Muslim boys in nothing but memorization of the Koran for 7-9 hours a day. Although many of the posts in response to the article were about whether it would cause these boys to become terrorists, I thought it was interesting to wonder whether the New York Times would cover the piece in the same "human interest" fashion if there was a Christian school that encourage boys only to spend 7-9 hours studying the Bible, and eliminating all teaching of any basic subjects. It is an interesting way to see the media almost makes this sound like positive thing in this case - how the family and the school is focusing their efforts on rearing solid Muslim citizens (this is probably where those who believe that the concern could be that they're raising solid Muslim "terrorist" instead). In addition, in the video, several comments by the mother of a boy who attends the school focus on the fact that she is committed to passing on her faith and encouraging that her children grow stronger in their faith than the generation before. What a concept, and what a challenge!!
Do we, as Christian parents, do the same? Do we pray that our children would grow in their faith more than their sinful parents? Do we encourage them from the very beginning, even before they can understand what they're learning, to grasp the essential beliefs in their head, so that as they grow and as their knowledge grows, that their faith will be come all the more real to them, each and every day? It presents a real challenge to Christian parents.
Finally, a comment made by the 10 year old boy in the video, states that he already believes that the Koran is not just a book for Muslims, but a book for all mankind, really struck a chord with me. Do we believe as Christians and do we act as though we believe that the Bible is a book not just for Christians, but a book for all mankind - a Truth for all mankind? If we don't stare these questions in the face and force ourselves to answer them, I fear that the little 10 year old boy who is learning the Koran will be come a strong leader one day, and perhaps another little 10 year old boy or girl who is being raised in a Christian home won't have the answers to show that little Muslim boy that the Christian faith and the Bible, not the Koran, are the answers to the questions he seeks.
As to my experiences, today I awoke with just a burst of energy. I'm not quite sure where it's come from, but in the past few weeks, I have begun to exercise in earnest again and, interestingly enough, I have found time on the days I walk/run outside to spend time in prayer. I think I mentioned that fact before - that there was a connection between the two when I quit doing both, and I'm encouraged to see a tiny connection between the two as I begin to do both again. It caused me to ponder the minimal time I spend in prayer and in the Word, but it also cause me to be somewhat encouraged that just because it's not a priority right now, that doesn't automatically mean that it won't always be a priority.
In somewhat of a connected thought, I stumbled across an article and related video report from the New York Times today about a school in NY that shcools Muslim boys in nothing but memorization of the Koran for 7-9 hours a day. Although many of the posts in response to the article were about whether it would cause these boys to become terrorists, I thought it was interesting to wonder whether the New York Times would cover the piece in the same "human interest" fashion if there was a Christian school that encourage boys only to spend 7-9 hours studying the Bible, and eliminating all teaching of any basic subjects. It is an interesting way to see the media almost makes this sound like positive thing in this case - how the family and the school is focusing their efforts on rearing solid Muslim citizens (this is probably where those who believe that the concern could be that they're raising solid Muslim "terrorist" instead). In addition, in the video, several comments by the mother of a boy who attends the school focus on the fact that she is committed to passing on her faith and encouraging that her children grow stronger in their faith than the generation before. What a concept, and what a challenge!!
Do we, as Christian parents, do the same? Do we pray that our children would grow in their faith more than their sinful parents? Do we encourage them from the very beginning, even before they can understand what they're learning, to grasp the essential beliefs in their head, so that as they grow and as their knowledge grows, that their faith will be come all the more real to them, each and every day? It presents a real challenge to Christian parents.
Finally, a comment made by the 10 year old boy in the video, states that he already believes that the Koran is not just a book for Muslims, but a book for all mankind, really struck a chord with me. Do we believe as Christians and do we act as though we believe that the Bible is a book not just for Christians, but a book for all mankind - a Truth for all mankind? If we don't stare these questions in the face and force ourselves to answer them, I fear that the little 10 year old boy who is learning the Koran will be come a strong leader one day, and perhaps another little 10 year old boy or girl who is being raised in a Christian home won't have the answers to show that little Muslim boy that the Christian faith and the Bible, not the Koran, are the answers to the questions he seeks.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
can't have it both ways....
OK, so all of a sudden, I'm "Mr. Politico" on the blog. Sure, up to last week, I've discussed nothing but me, but hey - it's my blog - deal with it!
Anyways, I find it interesting that as the Iranians and Syrians claim a huge victory, we read the fact that there is very little information on the devestation in Israel, but the people of Lebanon have been trampled. Where is the victory? How can you have victory without devestating your enemy?
In the midst of all of this celebration by Iran, apparently they've established their own foreign press, which is now headed by Mike Wallace, formerly of the American CBS company. Although I didn't personally see the interview, most accounts are quite scathing, which means it must have been really, really bad. All articles I've read basically claim that Wallace gave Ahmadinejad a free pass to espouse his anti-semetic views, and even chimed in, referred to Israel as a "Zionist state". To me, that sounds strangely like comments made a couple weeks ago by a drunk guy who's been disowned by half of Hollywood!
Anyways, food for thought to consider where our media is actually at.
Anyways, I find it interesting that as the Iranians and Syrians claim a huge victory, we read the fact that there is very little information on the devestation in Israel, but the people of Lebanon have been trampled. Where is the victory? How can you have victory without devestating your enemy?
In the midst of all of this celebration by Iran, apparently they've established their own foreign press, which is now headed by Mike Wallace, formerly of the American CBS company. Although I didn't personally see the interview, most accounts are quite scathing, which means it must have been really, really bad. All articles I've read basically claim that Wallace gave Ahmadinejad a free pass to espouse his anti-semetic views, and even chimed in, referred to Israel as a "Zionist state". To me, that sounds strangely like comments made a couple weeks ago by a drunk guy who's been disowned by half of Hollywood!
Anyways, food for thought to consider where our media is actually at.
Friday, August 11, 2006
politics as usual.....
Once again, the electoral process in this country continues to surprise and amaze me. Six years ago, when my home state of Missouri elected Mel Carnahan, a dead man, to the senate, I truly thought that we had seen the weirdest thing possible. Of course, that was the same year that Hillary Clinton, a first lady, was elected to represent a state that she'd never lived in in the U.S. Senate, and the same year when, as the ACLU claims, Al Gore was elected President. THEN.... four years later, Ohio was the focus of everyone's interest, and although there weren't too many hanging chads, a Frenchman, John Kerry, almost became president.
Now, only two years later, things get even more intriguing. Joe Liberman, the Democratic who, again according to the ACLU, was the new vice president, was dissed by his own party and lost in his primary election for the Senate. It is amazing to watch the Democratic party jump ship quickly, treating Liberman like a right-wing conservative instead of one of the few Democrats with a mildly balanced head. Instead, it appears that the candidate who is supported by moveon.org, Cindy Sheehan and everyone else who's slighly left of Castro, is the candidate that represents the interests of the New Democratic Party. Oh, if I could move to Connecticut so that I could join the Republicans for Lieberman campagin!!!
Anyways, in spite of all of the weirdness that's going on, it's good to see that some bloggers don't take all politics too seriously. Since we already have elected politicians, who are barely real people, why not consider electing people who aren't real in the first place. This would be the perfect combination of relaity and fiction!!!!
Now, only two years later, things get even more intriguing. Joe Liberman, the Democratic who, again according to the ACLU, was the new vice president, was dissed by his own party and lost in his primary election for the Senate. It is amazing to watch the Democratic party jump ship quickly, treating Liberman like a right-wing conservative instead of one of the few Democrats with a mildly balanced head. Instead, it appears that the candidate who is supported by moveon.org, Cindy Sheehan and everyone else who's slighly left of Castro, is the candidate that represents the interests of the New Democratic Party. Oh, if I could move to Connecticut so that I could join the Republicans for Lieberman campagin!!!
Anyways, in spite of all of the weirdness that's going on, it's good to see that some bloggers don't take all politics too seriously. Since we already have elected politicians, who are barely real people, why not consider electing people who aren't real in the first place. This would be the perfect combination of relaity and fiction!!!!
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
intertwined
I will confess, that in many ways, I am a very selfish and somewhat self-centered person. And, when things happen to other people around me, but the first think I look at is how those things affect me - even before I look at how those things affect others around me. To me, that is the epitome of selfishness, but it's who I am - a selfish sinner.
Here's the story.... a guy in my office ran for judge in yesterday's election, and he won. He's a Christian man who, I believe, has always had nothing but God's wisdom and calling at the forefront of his mind. God has blessed him - after a prior attempt which resulted in a loss, he won handily in the election, and hopefully, will take the bench soon. So how does that impact me? It impacts me this way - he's a higher level employee, and the fact that he's leaving will create an opening, which could result in a promotion for me. Sounds good so far? Well, that's only the good part. You see, the bad part is, to even arrive at the point where the promotion is possible, I have to confront my boos. I have to do that, because I've been passed over for a couple promotions, and I really believe that I need to know why (OK, even typing that is hard. It's so humbling, and hard to admit to on paper). My boss is one of the worst people in the world when it comes to human interaction, and talking with him is right up there with a root canal, without novacaine!
So, when the guy from my office wins the election, my first thought is - YUCK! Now I have to ponder and consider doing something that is unpleasant. Even though I supported the guy's campagin, my life would be easier if he'd lost - hence we arrive at the point of my self-centered attitudes.
It stinks being sinful. And it stinks even more when my sin gets in the way of the joy and happiness that I should have for others. It reminds me how my life is intertwined with so many other lives, and how God teaches me and convicts me through what happens, not only to me, but so many people around me.
Here's the story.... a guy in my office ran for judge in yesterday's election, and he won. He's a Christian man who, I believe, has always had nothing but God's wisdom and calling at the forefront of his mind. God has blessed him - after a prior attempt which resulted in a loss, he won handily in the election, and hopefully, will take the bench soon. So how does that impact me? It impacts me this way - he's a higher level employee, and the fact that he's leaving will create an opening, which could result in a promotion for me. Sounds good so far? Well, that's only the good part. You see, the bad part is, to even arrive at the point where the promotion is possible, I have to confront my boos. I have to do that, because I've been passed over for a couple promotions, and I really believe that I need to know why (OK, even typing that is hard. It's so humbling, and hard to admit to on paper). My boss is one of the worst people in the world when it comes to human interaction, and talking with him is right up there with a root canal, without novacaine!
So, when the guy from my office wins the election, my first thought is - YUCK! Now I have to ponder and consider doing something that is unpleasant. Even though I supported the guy's campagin, my life would be easier if he'd lost - hence we arrive at the point of my self-centered attitudes.
It stinks being sinful. And it stinks even more when my sin gets in the way of the joy and happiness that I should have for others. It reminds me how my life is intertwined with so many other lives, and how God teaches me and convicts me through what happens, not only to me, but so many people around me.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
where's the passion
I'm probably going to be mocked until the end of time for the source and motivation of this entry, but I guess that I need to be secure enough in what I believe to realize that the source of the entry is not the issue here - it's the issue behind that source.
Last week on "The View", there was a very heated discussion over the morning-after pill. Now, let me clarify.... I DO NOT WATCH "THE VIEW". I stumbled onto this clip from the newest "hip" place on the web - Youtube.com. It's quite a site, but perhaps I'll delve into that at a later time.
As I watched the clip and watched the discussion ensue, one comment that was made struck me even more than what the whole conversation was about. The comment was made that it is important that when controversial topics arise, that our society be willing to sit down and hear out both sides of the arguement. Barbara Walters said that we shouldn't get worked up or passionate about our beliefs. That, more than anything else said, struck me as a terrible condemnation on where our society is headed. To think that we should begin to work towards calm, cool and collected dialogue on issues, but eliminate the passion with which we hold the beliefs were trying to share scares me to death.
I believe that without passion, we begin to lose an aspect of our humanity. One of the great gifts that we have been given by God is the ability to hold beliefs and share beliefs with conviction. God tells us that our faith in Christ must permeate every aspect of our life, that it must be the reason for everything we do. He tells us to be ready with the answer of why we do what we do. How can such beliefs, such answers, such a faith be void of passion?
Another thing that was conveyed was the concept that we should be almost universalist in our responses to others. We should be able to dialogue and accept the points of view that everyone else has. This, too, is a scary concept, and a concept that requires an incredible balance of mind. We somehow have to love those around us, despite their beliefs and lifestyles, yet we are also called to be "salt and light", showing others around us, believers and unbelievers, the truth of the Gospel, and the fact that our belief in the Gospel passionately explains all of our other beliefs as well.
Removing passion removes humanity, and I pray that I'm never without passion in all I believe.
DATELINE 8/11/06 - I apologize for the link at the top of my blog. For some reason, the video was removed from Youtube.com at some point after I posted the original post.
Last week on "The View", there was a very heated discussion over the morning-after pill. Now, let me clarify.... I DO NOT WATCH "THE VIEW". I stumbled onto this clip from the newest "hip" place on the web - Youtube.com. It's quite a site, but perhaps I'll delve into that at a later time.
As I watched the clip and watched the discussion ensue, one comment that was made struck me even more than what the whole conversation was about. The comment was made that it is important that when controversial topics arise, that our society be willing to sit down and hear out both sides of the arguement. Barbara Walters said that we shouldn't get worked up or passionate about our beliefs. That, more than anything else said, struck me as a terrible condemnation on where our society is headed. To think that we should begin to work towards calm, cool and collected dialogue on issues, but eliminate the passion with which we hold the beliefs were trying to share scares me to death.
I believe that without passion, we begin to lose an aspect of our humanity. One of the great gifts that we have been given by God is the ability to hold beliefs and share beliefs with conviction. God tells us that our faith in Christ must permeate every aspect of our life, that it must be the reason for everything we do. He tells us to be ready with the answer of why we do what we do. How can such beliefs, such answers, such a faith be void of passion?
Another thing that was conveyed was the concept that we should be almost universalist in our responses to others. We should be able to dialogue and accept the points of view that everyone else has. This, too, is a scary concept, and a concept that requires an incredible balance of mind. We somehow have to love those around us, despite their beliefs and lifestyles, yet we are also called to be "salt and light", showing others around us, believers and unbelievers, the truth of the Gospel, and the fact that our belief in the Gospel passionately explains all of our other beliefs as well.
Removing passion removes humanity, and I pray that I'm never without passion in all I believe.
DATELINE 8/11/06 - I apologize for the link at the top of my blog. For some reason, the video was removed from Youtube.com at some point after I posted the original post.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
lethal weapon
Although I haven't read much more than the initial articles that appeared immediately after Mel Gibson's arrest, I have become amused and entertained by the "public outcry" in the wake of Mel Gibson's DWI arrest last weekend. As a person who spends hour upon hour reviewing police reports of people who make stupid, arrogant and vile remarks while they're intoxicated, I've found it incredibly humorous how the media has responded to the comments Gibson made when he was arrested. I certainly don't condone them and I certainly don't agree with the tone of the comments, but for Hollywood and the "drive-by" media to crucify Gibson because of things he said while he was intoxicated is ludicrous.
I, myself, spent time intoxicated in college. I used to go to O'Malley's, a bar a mere 1/4 mile from my apartment at the University of Illinois. Quarter beers was a regular special, and even with that cheap price, I couldn't calculate the hundreds of dollars that I spent there. I have no doubt that I uttered some stupid things in a drunken stupor on an occaision or two.
The difference between my drunken brawl, and the drunken stupor that Mel was in last weekend is not so much the fact that he uttered anti-Semetic comments, but the fact that after he got plowed, he jumped in a loaded missle and drove 90 mph. Somehow, the fact that he put innocent lives at stake has been completely overlooked by the fact that he made a couple of drunken comments that offend a sector of our society. Where is the anguish and dissappointment over the fact that any number of lives were in jeopordy because he drank and drove?
This column from LA Weekly does an excellent job clarifying those two contradictory issues.
the final thing is that above and beyond the comments, above and beyond the crime, there is a person here - a person who is a confessed addict. I don't believe this is the first time that we've seen addiction in Holloywood, and it's not the first time we've seen the addict do the brave thing of confessing a relapse. One only needs look back a little ways to see example of Robert Downey, Jr. to see another high-profile addict. In Downey's case, there certainly seemed to be an outpouring of support and encouragement, but because of the comments made while Gibson was under the influence, people have become vicdictive - vowing never to work with Gibson.
Where is the greater evil here? Are the drunken comments made a greater evil than the actions of Gibson? Or, is the greater evil the fact that we, as a people, are unable to look beyond both, and find another person, struggling with sin, and somehow, in our menial way, support and encourage him so that this all doesn't happen again?
I, myself, spent time intoxicated in college. I used to go to O'Malley's, a bar a mere 1/4 mile from my apartment at the University of Illinois. Quarter beers was a regular special, and even with that cheap price, I couldn't calculate the hundreds of dollars that I spent there. I have no doubt that I uttered some stupid things in a drunken stupor on an occaision or two.
The difference between my drunken brawl, and the drunken stupor that Mel was in last weekend is not so much the fact that he uttered anti-Semetic comments, but the fact that after he got plowed, he jumped in a loaded missle and drove 90 mph. Somehow, the fact that he put innocent lives at stake has been completely overlooked by the fact that he made a couple of drunken comments that offend a sector of our society. Where is the anguish and dissappointment over the fact that any number of lives were in jeopordy because he drank and drove?
This column from LA Weekly does an excellent job clarifying those two contradictory issues.
the final thing is that above and beyond the comments, above and beyond the crime, there is a person here - a person who is a confessed addict. I don't believe this is the first time that we've seen addiction in Holloywood, and it's not the first time we've seen the addict do the brave thing of confessing a relapse. One only needs look back a little ways to see example of Robert Downey, Jr. to see another high-profile addict. In Downey's case, there certainly seemed to be an outpouring of support and encouragement, but because of the comments made while Gibson was under the influence, people have become vicdictive - vowing never to work with Gibson.
Where is the greater evil here? Are the drunken comments made a greater evil than the actions of Gibson? Or, is the greater evil the fact that we, as a people, are unable to look beyond both, and find another person, struggling with sin, and somehow, in our menial way, support and encourage him so that this all doesn't happen again?
Friday, July 28, 2006
weathering the storms
It's been just over a week here in St. Louis since we experienced a wacky week of weather. We had high temps over 100 for a couple days with heat indices of 110+. In the midst of it all, we had two storms within 36-48 hours that put more than 500,000 in the dark. The amazing thing was that as the story was covered in the media, there were two, very different ways the story was covered. The first was how people banded together and helped each other out while they experienced long periods of power outages (actually, a few thousand are still out 9 days later). The other angle that most of the media took to quickly was how the electric company had failed the public by not getting the power restored more quickly. It has gone to the extent that now, the Missouri Public Service Commission has initiated an investigation.
Now, granted, I am speaking from the perspective of someone who experienced no power loss. The only way the whole situation affected me was that the power at my office went out and we had to leave work at noon last Friday (Gee, there's experiencing natural disaster!). I just find it very annoying that we, as a society, always need to find someone else to blame. I understand that 9-10 days without electricity would be incredibly frustrating, but why do we need to find someone else to blame? Why can't people accept that from time to time, things are going to happen that are beyond anyone's control? Why can't people simply accept the situation as it happens, WITHOUT casting stones on other people? The victim mentality of our society is very frustrating.
Even if we were to find out that somehow, the power company was slow in their response, what is that going to do? That fact isn't going to bring back all the spoiled food and missed appointments. It's simply going to offer people the ability to complain harder the next time their power goes out.
In my view, this is similar, on a much smaller scale, to the response that so many people had after Katrina last year. While I certainly don't try to minimize the destruction, death and disaster that was suffered in the wake of that hurricane, but so much blame was put on the various government officials, that it seems the concept of personal responsibility and preparation is completely taken away. It seems, in today's world, that when something bad happens, it's nobody's own responsibility to make the best of the situation or to try and make do with where things are at. Instead, we just talk to the media and get them to help us foster the need we have to blame others.
Now, granted, I am speaking from the perspective of someone who experienced no power loss. The only way the whole situation affected me was that the power at my office went out and we had to leave work at noon last Friday (Gee, there's experiencing natural disaster!). I just find it very annoying that we, as a society, always need to find someone else to blame. I understand that 9-10 days without electricity would be incredibly frustrating, but why do we need to find someone else to blame? Why can't people accept that from time to time, things are going to happen that are beyond anyone's control? Why can't people simply accept the situation as it happens, WITHOUT casting stones on other people? The victim mentality of our society is very frustrating.
Even if we were to find out that somehow, the power company was slow in their response, what is that going to do? That fact isn't going to bring back all the spoiled food and missed appointments. It's simply going to offer people the ability to complain harder the next time their power goes out.
In my view, this is similar, on a much smaller scale, to the response that so many people had after Katrina last year. While I certainly don't try to minimize the destruction, death and disaster that was suffered in the wake of that hurricane, but so much blame was put on the various government officials, that it seems the concept of personal responsibility and preparation is completely taken away. It seems, in today's world, that when something bad happens, it's nobody's own responsibility to make the best of the situation or to try and make do with where things are at. Instead, we just talk to the media and get them to help us foster the need we have to blame others.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
a law with me in mind
I was reading through the web this morning, and stumbled upon this "interesting" article. Clearly, someone else like me decided we've had a hard enough time competing with our clothes on, and we don't need the added pressure!
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
lawn righteousness
While most of the rest of the world focuses their eyes, ears and concerns on the conflict in the Middle East, there is a conflict going on so much closer to home that has been much more of a concern to me. It is a conflict that, in my opinion, has been going on for about 5 years now - coincidentally enough, the same amount of time that we have lived in the house where we now live. Sometimes, in my pathetic opinion, it seems that the stakes in this other war are very great - even, perhaps greater than the stakes in the War on Terror. (For anyone who is offended, this is a joke) And, much to my dismay, I am on the front line of this confict. The conflict is the Great Lawn War.
Now, if you don't own a house, you've probably not been witness to this conflict. You see, the Great Lawn War is the war that I'm waging, and presently losing against my lawn. We had a really warm stretch of weather here last week, and my lawn has become a breeding ground for every species of crabgrass and clover that exists in the free world. It's quite frustrating, as I have made semi-consistent attempts to curb this stuff, and actually grow grass. But, to no avail, that is not what is in my front yard, my side yard OR my back yard.
OK, so why is this an issue? I hear everyone saying "JUST GET OVER IT ALREADY"! And, if it were that easy for me, I would. But, I find some sort of identity in my lawn. I want to be able to take credit for something beautiful that grows - showing that I've tended to it, that I've cared and nutured for it, and that in response to that nurturing, it's grown and is something that is beautiful for the world to see.
As we all do, I have somehow found some of my identity in the lawn that exists around my home. My righteousness is somehow intertwined with the green grass (or lack thereof) that lays on the banks of my front and back yard.
We all have these things.... things that we find our righteousness and worth in. Somehow, even though they are not particulary BAD things, they replace the things where our identity and righteousness should be. Will it ever change?
Now, if you don't own a house, you've probably not been witness to this conflict. You see, the Great Lawn War is the war that I'm waging, and presently losing against my lawn. We had a really warm stretch of weather here last week, and my lawn has become a breeding ground for every species of crabgrass and clover that exists in the free world. It's quite frustrating, as I have made semi-consistent attempts to curb this stuff, and actually grow grass. But, to no avail, that is not what is in my front yard, my side yard OR my back yard.
OK, so why is this an issue? I hear everyone saying "JUST GET OVER IT ALREADY"! And, if it were that easy for me, I would. But, I find some sort of identity in my lawn. I want to be able to take credit for something beautiful that grows - showing that I've tended to it, that I've cared and nutured for it, and that in response to that nurturing, it's grown and is something that is beautiful for the world to see.
As we all do, I have somehow found some of my identity in the lawn that exists around my home. My righteousness is somehow intertwined with the green grass (or lack thereof) that lays on the banks of my front and back yard.
We all have these things.... things that we find our righteousness and worth in. Somehow, even though they are not particulary BAD things, they replace the things where our identity and righteousness should be. Will it ever change?
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